If I Was A Pro #1

Football at Christmas is kind of dull. Europe has closed down, and the never ending trudge of the English leagues is all that keeps us going. Until the glorius dawn of a new year that is the FA Cup third round, things are a bit samey, so with Newcastle grinding out solid, if uninspiring draws, other things have been on my mind at the Radetto offices.

Namely, what if we were Pros in the noble world of football? So to cries of 'Who would read this, you self indulgent bastard', here it is.

Okay, so the pro story would have started at high school. My glorious days in the top group for football would have been undenaiably more glorious if I had had the skills of a professional, but I guess I would have been the same type of player. Namely, one with a good reading of the game (the nicest thing any sports teacher said about me), but an lack of strength, and a fairly poor ability to dribble the ball. Basically, I was one of those deep lying midfielders/defenders, intercepting passes, putting in the tackles and playing the super sexy passes out to midfield. All of this with the physique of Peter Crouch. Not the most glamourous player then, allthough possibly the only player to represent the school (one glorious appearance) wearing an alice band.

So after school I guess it would have been the academy at either Everton or Crewe, like a few of the guys who could actually play at my school. I reckon the glamourous Italian flair of Dario Gradi would have seen me end up at Crewe.

After a few confidence building years at Gresty Road, churning out the mid table results, my chance to hit the big time would have undoubtedly arrived. Problem is, I really am shit at the physical side of the game. I reckon I would have thrived in a slower, more continental passing based enviroment. Plus the alice band would go down better there. So, come the end of the nineties (I am moving things around here cronologically a tad), the big money premiership move falling through, I feel Tirol Innsbruck would have been an ideal move. Thats right, FC Tirol Innsbruck.

First off, I do love Innsbruck as a city, being a man of the woods and mountains. But secondly, Tirol would have been a great place for a not quite premiership standard player such as myself (Ha!). Slotting into the back of Joachim Loew's diamond formation, no doubt I would have had a crucial role in the run to the 2000 Austrian Championship. Recognition in England gained in the sterling 0-0 draw at home to Valencia in that season's Champions League Qualifiers, and the defeat of Fiorentina in the Uefa cup, gaining me a crucial bit of attention to the clubs of Serie A.

So, after a 2nd Austrian title, aged 22 with English clubs interested, Martin sensatioanally turns them down, in favour of a move to Roberto Baggio's Brecsia filling the void left by Andrea Pirlo. The chance to form a deep relationship with his football hero, based on budhism, and glorious passes to much to turn down.

A place in this side would have been glorious, of that there can be no doubt. Not only supplying the balls through to Baggio and a youthful Luca Toni, but playing alongside Pep Guardiola for one glorious season and taking Brescia to new, glorious places at the Mario Rigamonti. Undoubtedly long lasting relationships would be formed with some of the greatest players in the world. I wouldn't want the Brecsia days to end...

Stay tuned for more; tales of (no) interest...

Chicks Are Football's Real Heroes

Professional footballers are hero's right? Maybee. I consider a few of them to be pretty rad dudes, but nothing more than that. I mean, can anyone who earns so so so much money be a hero? Damiano Tomassi is one. He was a damn good player for a while. Won a Scudetto, got to a European Champs final, then lost. He took the Italian minimum wage when he was injured at Roma. All pretty cool things to do, but still.

Turns out Girls are the real heroes of football. I mean, if you only have X's, and are good at football, there are like 100 teams you could play for in England alone. If you were prepared to travel a bit I am pretty sure that even I could hold down a place on the bench of any Quatari side right now. Just next to Mario Jardel, and I am sure the Quataris would throw in a villa and a golfcourse for Mario and I to hang out at between training sessions. If you are damn good at aforementioned sport, then money could mean nothing to you by the time your 25.

But if you have a Y hanging round in your chromasones, and skills at football, then things arn't quite so rosy. If you are the actual best woman in the whole country at football you could go Semi-Pro for Arsenal Ladies and play infront of a few hundered punters every weekend, but that is about it. Kelly Smith, voted the third best player in the world, was doing exactly that. In order to be fully pro she had to move to the US, and is now plying her trade in Boston, along with several other of Englands best. So to make a career out of football, these ladies have moved to America, and it is not like they have the celeb freinds and millions of pounds to reassure them that the US is best. You would be pretty aprehensive right?. There is a lot of stuff to leave behind.

See what I mean, theses girls clearly love football way more than any current premiership player. How many of the premiership's stars would turn up for regualr training aswell as holding down a day job? I would have serious doubts whether many of them could. And then, in order to turn pro, leave family and freinds and move to the opposite side of the Atlantic? Brave.

And that is just the best players. There are whole leagues of ladies out there, despite knowing that the absolute pinacle they could reach in this country is probably equivalent to a man playing for a mid table Conference North side. I am not sure Christiano Ronaldo would be the player he is today, if he knew the best he could hope for was evening training, a game a week on a sodden picth, a couple of quid at Harrogate Town.

My original thought was that lower league journeymen, those who never stoped believin' where footballs real heroes, playing football for a few quid a week. Turns out it is the fairer sex. You can be the third best player in the world and still be at that level, and yet still the determination to play is there. Clearly, the girls are in it for the football.

And Then There Were Sixteen

So it has been said the Champions League groupstage is a money making irrelevance. But then, what is football but an irrelevant distraction on the unavoidable trudge towards death. And yet I know a good few people who could not revere Shankly's famous 'more important than that' words more if they had come from the Christ himself. Even my year nine Religous Education teacher agreed that football was a religoin to many. So by that reckoning, the Champions League groupstage must be fucking important right?

Either way, it was a glorious feast of trans-continental football, that brought light in to my dark, cold midweek evenings, and no man brought more light than Laurent Blanc. This man is a footballing genius. The anti-Allardyce walks among us. Chamakh and Gourcuff are undoubtedly brilliant players, but Blanc has got a team whose third most recognisable player, to me at least, is Diego Placente, one of those classic 'what club does he actually play for?' players that crops up in defense for Argentina. Turns out it is Bourdeaux, but he dosen't get many games. Laurent has brought, an admitedly French title winning, but largely unknown squad through a group containing big spending Juve, and a trying-to get-their-act-togethor Bayern, with style. Good job. Bordeaux are the darkest of all dark horses.

Talking of Bayern, if they can get Robben and Ribery fit for febuary... by God that could be special.

Then their was those teams kicking off to the east. A European competition should have games kicking off in the frozen east of the continent. Not only did Rubin have the best name and kit (was that a winged lion?), they outplayed some of the best teams in the competition. CSKA made it through, with Unirea being Cluj-esque in their performance. Even Debrecen and Maccabi Haifa did kind of alright. These guys brought a bit of mystery and excitement, I mean c'mon, who dosen't want to follow their team to Tartarstan? But they also brought some genuinely chalenging fixtures aswell. For once that Platini fella was right.

Real and Barca? Those dicks that will ruin world football by signing all the worlds best player right? Well...nah. They both looked pretty good on occasion, but they could have both gone out in the final round of games if things had been a bit different. If this was the champmarketing league, they would win by miles, but happily enough, marketability (That is a word yeah?) has nothing to do with football. Sevilla looked the best team in the whole thing for quite a long time, churning out some top notch performances until they got through, and they ain't exactly pretty boys. Turns out the ability to kick a ball still counts for something in this modern age.

Then there was the Milanese. AC's glorious reneaisance under Leonardo was amazing to behold. The amount of aged joy the pitch during the win over Real was obvious even from ITV's highlights packages. Sure did put a smile on Marcotti's face. Seeing Becks help these guys heroically in the knockouts, preferably aganst Chelsea, would bring a tear to my eye. And then there is Inter. Somehow they just seem like an angry team at the minute, with Balotelli and Mourinho fighting throughout, but they pulled it out and got through.

And finally, there was the heoic efforts of ACF Fiorentina. First they beat Liverpool, then Lyon, and this from a team that could have easily all gone a bit Leeds not so long ago. It is nice to know that a bit of comitment, belief, inteligence and the ability to sell shoes can still get you somewhere in this sport. Angelo Di Livio must be smiling now.

Fuelling the Market

Transfer rumours? Seems like Sergio Aguero can mention something about not going to Chelsea, and boom, it's all over the place. Ageuro £40 million pound raid, Aguero wants Chelsea, yada yada yada. Seems like these stories can come from nowhere, so here at Radetto we are going to try and improve things and push through transfers we would like to see, through rumour mongering alone. I mean, we totally have our ear to the failed agent corpse laden floor of the transfer market. We totally know some stuff you don't. So yeah, spread these rumours round kids. We can make football a better place.

Pazzini & Cassano to Juventus - I mean c'mon, this would rule. Just think, come febuary next year, Drogba makes his way through the Tuscan night, but runs into a supreme Chielini challenge. Chielini dinks it back to Buffon. Gianluca pauses, checks his headscarfe thing, and generally looks supremely cool, before lacing a pass out Diego. Diego runs forward before threading it out to Cassano, draped in the Biancolesti stripes, who procedes to dink and trick his way forward towards the box. A blur of begloved wonderment. Just when you think he is done for, he laces the pass back across the box to Diego, who eyes up the shot. But No! a sublime fake out cross glaces of the head of Pazzini and past Cech's grasp. Juve make the quarters, the old lady is back. Buffon - Chielini - Diego - Giovinco - Pazzini - Cassano - Del Piero etc would rule. I would buy FIATs for life. This was written before Bayernfest im Turin. Even more reason for them to get on the case.

Bojan Krkic to Arsenal. Imagine how supreme Arsenal would be if they didn't have to rely on Bendtner every other week. Senior Krkic, possibly the least Spanish sounding Spaniard ever, is the Radetto approved solution. First of, imagine Motty or Pearce trying to get their gobs round that name. It goes K - R - K for christs sake. But anyhoom. I like Bojan, he scored a few in Spain and could sort out the Arsenal striker situation. In the mighty Toon's absence, I think Arsenal would be a supreme home for the lad.

Sol Campbell to Anywhere but the Toon. FOR CHRISTS SAKE NO. The best defence in the Championship does not need Sol. Sheesh

Edin Dzeko to AC Milan. AC are getting there act togethor. Leonardo is going to bring them round. I can feel it. Now think how sweet it would be to see Leo at the head of a team with Alex Pato and Edin up front. AC would have one of the greatest striker combos on earth. With Pirlo in behind them they could cut sublime shapes all across the San Siro turf. Beautiful. Dzecks has allready said he would prefer Italy to the premiership, and no doubt AC are keen on him. He would help put AC a few more points on the board, and put the glamour back into Serie A again.

Robert Green to the Big Four. Give the lad a chance. This fella is good. Just give the man a chance. Yes, there was that England gaffe, but he didn't have much choice really. I blame Rio. Is it only me that sees the ideal replacement for Van Der Saar in this man's steely gaze? Plus he looks good in the British Racing Green of the England goalkeeper kit

Team Of The Time #4

Team of The Time is back folks. Oh Yes. Just when you thought it was gone, lost in the wilderness, boom, back it comes, just like Adriano scoring 19 in 29 for Flamengo.

1 - Sebastian Frey. Yeah, putting Liverpool, or any English team out of the Champions League gives you some Radetto creds. Saying that, Seb has allways been one of my favourite goalkeepers since he replaced Buffon at Parma. Pink short sleeved jerseys, alice bands and awesome saves being one of my favourite combinations since childhood. But Mr Frey was super safe in goal against Lyon, keeping out Lyon's late pressure. Sweeet

2 - Juan Vargas - So you are stepping up for a penalty that could take your side into the last 16 of Europe's biggest fotball tournament. Only 7 seasons ago that team were in Serie C, and missed out at this stage, against the same opposition, the same time last year. Tense right? Not for 'the best Juan since Veron' Vargas. This pen was steely

3 - Klaas Jan Huntelaar. So AC Meeelan are 2nd in Serie A. Turns out Leonardo was a genius afterall. Not only that, but even Klaas Jan (I am so sure that is the name of a tractor company) got a few at the weekend. Furthermore, the 2nd was one of those 'oh you didn't' chips. Nice

4 - The FA Cup. Don't deny it, you would give the FA Cup a run out for your five a side team. Put it in the opposition's box, and it will head in those crosses. But seriously, it is not even the third round yet and I am allready convinced the FA Cup is one of the greatest tournaments on earth. 6,000 people turned up to see Oxford United take on AFC Barrow. That is two conference sides. And the atmosphere was electric. Seeing Newcastle take out a premiership side, preferably a top four one, would be the most glorious thing to have happened to the club in a long while. Big Four fans (often known as deluded fools) may disagree, but the FA Cup rules

5 - Laurent Blanc. The 2nd managerial genius to come out of France's golden generation. First off the man beats Lyon to the league title, then he goes and takes Bordeaux through a group containing Juventus and Bayern. He is clearly a genius. Girondins have one of those super exciting youthful talent teams and I really think they could go far. This could be the greatest gallic Champions League campain since Didier Deschamps' Monagasques went nuts a few seasons ago.

Success @ St. James' Park

And so two goliaths of the English game pre-1920 met last night at Deepdale, with The Toon looking to hold their place at the top of the English Championship. It is like nothing has changed.
I was pretty gutted when Newcastle went down last season. Supporting The Toon has allways lead to heartbrake, but going down just made me angry. Lets be honest, it was Mike Ashley's fault. I can still remember where I was when I got a text saying 'Keegan gone, Milner Sold'. On a bus from Sarajevo to Jajce. Actually it had stopped for lunch on the side of the road, next to this white horse. That text was devastating. Pre 'Horse-text-gate', supporting Newcastle had felt good again. We had Kev, we had a good team, we had drawn at Old Trafford. Then Ashley ruined it.

But now things are going better. Top of the table better. Glorious. And we didn't sell to many players. When was the last time two Argentinian internationals played in the 2nd tier? I am enjoying supporting Newcastle again, and not just 'cos we win a lot at the minute. I am totally going to jinx up everything here, but next season, trying to stay in le prem (crosses everything) should be way more exciting that a dull run to 11th. And if we do better than that; Glorious. Make yourself familiar with Parma's current situation, but that could be us, a team of journeymen, youngsters and not-quite-good-enough for-the-big-time-ers.

And that brings me on to the squad. Watching the Kevin Nolan - Alan Smith joint interview last night warmed my heart. Seriously, it was lovely. Both or their accents seemed to have thickened since 'the drop' and it seems this whole 'team vibe' thing might be true. They really really wanted to get us out of this league. Managerial stability is working as well, Crissy seems to be the man. And then there is the youth. Ranger and Carrol and ranger have got to be two of the best young englishmen knocking around the Championship.

And hopefully we can take that other united out of the cup. I actually think we could be back in Europe in a few seasons. Whatever people say, the support is there, and we should be getting in Europe really. But for now, the Championship rules.

Ashley is still a dick though.

Henry Handball Outrage!!!

!!!

I love this picture more than words can describe.

World Cup Qualifiers Live Radetto Minute by Minute

Full Time Bosnia haven't made it. That is a pretty big shame. I genuinely thought they could make it, as you might have gathered. Hopefully they can keep it togethor and they should be a shoe in for the Euro's. Seems a long way off for now though. Absolutely gutted.

Portugal vs. Bosnia & Herzegovinia - Radetto Minute by Minute LIVE

Hindsight Before the game I would have said a 1-0 loss would be a good result for Bosnia, so I am going to stay optimistic, however they hit the woodwork three times, and looked a match for Portugal for most of the game. An away goal would have been invaluable. Alas. I don;t think something like a 3-1 win at home is beyond the realms of possibility, and Hasagic looked really solid in nets. The dream is still on. I still feel both of these sides play better football than both Greece and Ukraine though, make of that what you will. .

IJC's Turbo 3: Ways to Improve Football

What's this? An international, uncensored platform for my progressive, righteous ideas on taking soccer to the next level? To an interstellar, astronomical-span level? All we need now is for that Sepp Platini chap to on the off chance Google 'Radetto interstellar turbo soccer' and we can ring the following changes:

1. Install a dense web of microphones

I cannot be the only one for whom thirty seconds on every Match of the Day is simply not long enough to appreciate the forthright, no-nonsense Yorkshire tones of Mick McCarthy; tones that will take on a new and improved intensity as he lambastes his back four as a 'parcel of soft fucking fairy shite'. An intricate canopy of high powered microphones strung across the pitch will ensure that next time Chris Eagles doesn't get the pass he wants we all get to hear exactly what he plans to do with his hair next season. You will have guessed by now that this would necessitate shifting all televised kickoffs to an OFCOM friendly 9.00pm but it shouldn't really matter, matches look far cooler at night anyway.

2. Start planning it like Pro Wrestling

A disconsolate Phil Brown shakes his head. The dude with the microphone on Sky Sports 3 asks his question again. PB is the very definition of incredulous, for not ten minutes ago he thought he had his routine, or as close as Hull gets to it, home draw against Bolton in the bag and a glorious hard earned point with it. But as the 86th minute ticks round, Middlesbrough storm the pitch! Good god! Their North-East compatriots and surely rivals! Hull had given them up for dead but with the referees attention diverted by muscling Jérémie Aliadière off the field Strachan sends the Coventry fans in the stands into raptures, skipping the ball past the back four and blasting into the top corner. Pandemonium! With the Hull players wheeling off to celebrate, the referee turns and finding the ball buried firmly in the net has no option but to award the goal! 2-1! Bolton have pulled the most incredible of comebacks! Did you ever see anything like it?!
Back in front of the adverts for energy drinks and pickup trucks an incandescent Phil Brown seizes the mic,'let Phil Brown get ESPN on you just one second...' fixing the hapless Sky employee with a steely gaze '...Strachan may think he had the best of us tonight, but I know, Phil Brown knows that in two weeks... Right there at the Riverside...For the Hollands Pies North East Pride Plate... that Phil Brown and Hull City will run a train of Premier League pain on Middlesbrough FC.!' His words hang in the air, Sky Sports 3 guy reels, stunned. Hull fans watching on the KsCreen Jumbovision reel, stunned. A wry smile crinkles onto his face, 'There is just... one more thing. At the Riverside I took the liberty of inviting a special guest referee... Mido.' PB drops the mic, Sloop John B plays, the KC erupts.

Then I would have something to refresh my browser every 5 minutes for.

3. Legalise steroids.

If there's seven things football fans can't get enough of it's screamers, majestic diving headers, utter powerhouses, pile drivers, guys doing flips and strikes rending the crossbar and both posts in twain. Granted that last one only happens in the mind of the most cartoon reared supporters but it could become a reality if we all make a solemn, heart debilitating commitment to furthering the game, nay, the human race. Picture the top of the table clash of 2021 as a juiced up Drogba equivalent leaps his entire height, clearing a six foot wide but four foot tall stunted youth prospect, cradles the ball on his shoulder and laces, and I mean absolutely laces a high-altitude volley downwards to goal. Of course, once a ball is struck with a critical vigour the Doc Brown Inflammatory Principle comes into effect, leaving a trail of flames scorching from his boot. Just as you think the whole net is about to go up in flames, noooo SAAAAVE, the six foot ten, genetically modified keeper launches from the other side of the goal, stopping it dead with his gargantuan fingers; a one handed save to keep the scores level at a tantalising 0-0.

Nuts to this, I'm all amped up! A breakaway league is the only solution, get Vince McMahon on the pho... oh.

Bosnia & HerzeGlorynia

Sup guys (Cal, Leanne, maybee Neal. Hows it going?). Okay, so I have a pro-Bosnia and Herzegovina streak in me. I am not going to deny that. And I totally think you should jump on my Yugo towed, Sarajevsko serving bandwagon. I even have some valid footballing reasons, which go beyond 'I totally had some way good times there a while ago', some of which may appeal even to the average Eng-Er-Land fan. Check it out. I even made a list:

1. This is for you England Fans (Kitchiner style point). England will get knocked out by Portugal. We all remember '06. That stamping, winking, Argentina 98-esque affair. No one wants that again, not even me. And the whole 'Sol Campell pushed someone in the box' thing from '04, where the ghosts of '98 were on poor old Sol's back again. They were horrible horrible games. Seeing all Owen Hargreaves hard work and steely penalty determination being undone by a weeping Steven Gerrard? No thanks. I would rather loose 3-0 to Germany ta.

2. Bosnia are a damn exciting football team. Not just in that 'they have young players who scored loads in the Bundesliga/Spanish mid table/For Lyon' way. They actually are exciting. They scored, and conceded most of all the teams to make the play-offs. It is almost Keegan-esk. The 'dead' game with Spain finished 5-2. Seven goals kids. They put 7 past Armenia aswell. Everyone loves teams of glorious attacking power, that really can't defend at well. Bosnia is that exact team.

3. It might be like Croatia '98. Remember that? It was the greatest, most super happy, heart warming run in football tournament history. Dzeko could be the next Davor Suker. I apreciate that comparison may not be at all popular in certain parts of the world. I just mean he could score loads of goals and stuff. Anyone who disagrees with this is clearly not a fan of football or happiness. It would be glorious. Eastern Bloc teams are allways great at World Cups, they either go nuts and reach the semis, or go nuts and loose 6-0 to the Dutch. Either way, top notch stuff.

4. Miroslav Blazevic - Talking of 98, this fella was coach of the tournament. He masterminded that Croatian dream team. Rad. The man invented 3-5-2*. Also Rad. He has lucky shoes, and best of all, said that he didn't need to qualify after seeing Bosnian Muslim fans cheering for his Bosnian Serb 'keeper. The man is 77 (73 next year) and is finally leading the country of his birth, hopefully to something historical.

5. The politics and history of it all. Some fool had a stab at summarising it here, and this guy is there first hand. Seems to me a football team to unite behind might be a damn good thing for this country

6. The team is exciting in the 'have young players who scored loads in the Bundesliga/Spanish mid table/For Lyon' way. Misimovic & Dzeko at Wolfsburg, Ibseviv & Salihovic and Hoffenheim, Pranjic at Lyon. This is such an exciting team. For such a small country, with so little money to invest in football to have these talents is pretty amazing. They really do need this golden generation to shine.

7. No one really likes Ronaldo do they? Really? If Portugal win this I will buy every fake Ronaldo shirt I see. Take that FIFA marketing board. Ha.

So there you go. I dare you to resist having a quick flick at Ceefax whilst watching the Brazil game on Saturday night. Those little pixelated numbers could mean a lot to a few million people not far from here.

*The invention of the 3-5-2 is up for debate. Here it is: It was Blazevic you pricks

Scouse Football Side Not Quite As Good As They Were!

Oh God. Liverpool are in crisis. Crisis I tell you. Perhaps even Crises. Certainly feels like that if you can read and happen to glace at any form of media. Soon the whole of the red side of the city will be sucked into a Rafa shaped vortex leaving a desolate wasteland prowled only by the ghost of Roy Evans.

But wait. It's not that bad. Its just a football team that have declined slightly. But y'know, they have declined a bit, and should probs do something about it sometime soon. So, in a rare bit of comment on an actual, currently in the news story, here is Radetto's 2 euro cents on The Slight Decline Of Liverpool FC.

I can't be the only one who thinks that El Reds 09 don't have that 'woah, good squad there' presence of yore. Rafa does seem a bit hit and miss on the old transfer situation. No man could turn down £30,000,000 for Xabi Alonso (Zero's for emphasis there), but Beardy Raf was going to flog him for half of that last year. On top of that, I am super pro Italian football and not even I can see Aquilani succeeding in the youkay. I hope I am wrong, and Aquilani unleashes both a sensational scouse 'tasche and an edge of the box goal rampage. They should have kept Riise, despite the occasional massive, massive, ginger tinged gaffe and everyone knew Hypia was well hard, and actually good at football, which would have been a plus against Lyon. And he can score goals for Liverpool, not the opposition, another advantage over Jimmy Carrageh.

The fact that Jimmy C just ain't the player he used to be is probably worth a paragraph. So here it is. The Carragaffe paragraph. But seriously, he really doesn't look capable week in, week out anymore. Sometimes awesome, ie. United games, sometimes crap, ie. Fulham et al.

And the players coming in are all a bit Quantity Mart. There have been some gudduns, but a lot of the time at least a third of the red XI look like mid table Spaniards to me. If they put a bit more thought in surely things would be much more rosy. Liverpool have signed a lot, I mean a lot of duds, and missed out on some diamonds. They really should have made more of the Dutch exodus of Real Madrid. Schneider or Robben would have been a sensational, yet realistic signature . I reckon Chelski's transfer ban is a blessing for the 'Pool aswell and they reallly need to take advantage of that. But yeah, recent signings records reads over priced or over ratted in my humble, Pierpaolo Marino esque, opinion. Infact, getting Pierpaolo onboard would be genius. This is the man that built Napoli's current first team, aka the most highly rated young team in Italy right now. They should totally get Transfer Pat on board. That would rule.

And another thing. If they do go out of the Champions League, the Europa League ain't that bad is it? They would be up there amongst the contenders, and a good run would bring a bit of a feelgood factor to the fields of Anfeild Road no? And lets speculate here, Bayern Munchen/Valencia/HSV/Sporting/Villareal vs. Liverpool would a glorious tie, whatever competition it is in. Remember those nights against Roma and Barcelona many moons ago. An exact repeat wouldn't be so bad?

So yeah, if Evans came back, that would be a crisis. All Liverpool need to do is win a but of Europa glory, poach a few from Chelsea, get Pat Marino onside and Anfield is smelling of roses eh? That ain't to much to ask is it now Rafa lad?

Team of The Time #3

NB. (Can these go at the front?) Kids, 4 & 5 are Iain J. Christ's first meaningful contributions. It is a brave new dawn for Radetto

Isn't the Champions League group stage the best thing ever. Er...Hells yes. There is no other way that Tuesday nights in November could be quite so uber rad. And that means Team of the Time time is upon us. Check out these picks kids. They are way bad ass.

1. Sergio Aguero - The man is going out with Maradonna's daughter. Often that would be rad enough for the slack standards of a TOTT call up. But this week he went and put two past Chelsea. And did you see the second? Did you see? It was Jan Koller powerful, way more impressive when you consider Ageuro is a tiny man with a bit of a faux mullet. Faux mullets rule kids. It is like a mullet, but you can keep your job, although I think Atletico would be cool with whatever barnet the little fella chose.

2. Zvjezdan Misimovic - Yet more Bosnian success in Europe. I am starting to genuinely believe they might actually be able to do one on Portugal the week after next. Dzeko scored as well. Might have to put my money where my mouth is. I genuinely think Bosnia could make the last 16 with their team playing like it is at the minute. But anyway, Misimovic bossed it from the midfield, but way way more importantly, scored a beauty. Check it out kids. VID

3. Carlos Puyol - Puyol has allways been the raddest captain of any team and one of those classic hard bastard center backs to boot. Then he wore short sleeves in Tartarstan. It was minus 7. Solid

4. Caster Semenya - Total powerhouse, great speed, will run 800 meters without blinking, if any member club of soon-to-be-formed Chicks Football League is listening, watching or reading I'd advise them to snap her up ASAP... and for them to do my washing and learn to drive! I jest! South Africa will claim the next World Chicks Cup, mark my words. Come to think of it... Is he the perfect partner for Torres? Let's be honest we all think they need a bit more muscle up front. In fact I would pay good money to watch her fight to the death with Jamie Carragher. IJC

5. Berbs - To round off the most tactically unbalanced 5-aside team of all time, the man off whom Michael Owen steals 20 minutes of football every week. It's of no small consequence that Manchester United's sexiest football and coolest victories happen when Berbs is keeping it pro ice in and around the area and it's only the goalkeeping heroics of Jääskeläinen that keep people on his case. Nevermind the potential of a deft, brain boiling flick from Berbs and an aggressive, pounding take from Rooney, Lil' Mickey can completely skin a Barnsley defence. IJC

Tendency To Punch

Clearly Jens Lehman is not the second best keeper in the world at the minute, but somewhat surprisingly, he is up there amongst them. I generally show favouritism to 'keepers of the Lehman style. You want a angry angry nut job with a huge ego and an inability to grasp his own flaws in goal. Tendency to punch was all ways my favourite champ man attribute, and everyone loves the element of gloriousness that Oliver Kahn brought to any match. Tendency to punch: One Million.

But my point is this, no-one seems so have come along to replace these past greats. Ie. These guys:

Casillas is the best in the world, of that there can be no doubt, and I would shove Julio Cesar in 2nd place. Buffon and Frey are top notch also, but after that it thins out a little. This weeks Champions League ties should contain some of the best keepers around, but Lehman will be there, warming up for his 40th birthday celebrations no doubt, as will a 77 year old Van Der Saar for a team that has genuine hopes of winning the whole shebang. Aged keepers seem pretty common. Buffon, despite his skills, is getting on a bit.

The new behatted Peter Cech has become hilariously gaffe prone, no one seems certain about Victor Valdes' capabilities and we all know about Dida by now, even if he is super on form at the minute. But there is a group of nearly there guys at a lot of the continents slightly less prestigious teams. Hugo Lloris was in TOTT, yeah, he is that good kids. Then there is Manuel Neuer at Schalke and Micheal Rensing at Bayern who seem promising, but are yet to do something truly rad like there Mannschaft predecessors.

Whilst Sergio Romero looks exactly as an Argentine 'keeper should, and could well be the star of the world cup, at the moment he is plying his trade for AZ Alkmaar, the dutch upstarts not managed my Big Steve. Heading to the east of the continent there is future Ben Foster-keeper-out-of-first-eleven-er Igor Akinfeyev, muchos highly rated by many, and a Radetto top for the top Samir Handanovic at Udinese. One of those boyos will be at the world cup.

So yeah, there are a few gudduns out there, but I grew up with a smorgasboard of goalkeeping talent; 19 year old Casillas, Toldo, Buffon, Perruzzi, Kahn, Chilavert, Schmiechel, Van Der Saar, Seaman, Barthez, Taffarel, Roa...

Now I list them, christ that is a eccentric bunch.

So anyway, let us take a moment to reflect on the decline of exuberent goalkeeping. It seems like the African Cup of Nations is the last bastion of the 'Keeper madness. Maybee it is in the African air. Hope so, it would bring some intrigue to the world cup for sure.

Team of The Time #2

That's right kids. Team of the time is back careering into the blogosphere like a tubby South American, shortly to Klinsmann it up on some sodden turf:

1. Hugo Lloris - That's right Liverpool fans. He was on fire no? Liverpool-Lyon was a great game for so many reasons, the top notch keeping at both ends being one of them. The only difference is old Hugo was on the winning team and should be plying his trade in the knockout rounds now. Oh Snap.

2.Aleksandr Ryazantsev - Who? Sheesh, the guy that scored the super screamer against Barca. My Lord what a goal. You have got to admire a man who turns up at Camp Nou and thinks ''Check this Catalans'' and proceeds to launch it from miles out. The finest goal ever to come out of Tartarstan.

3. Sean St Ledger - Going for the outside picks at the minute, but his diving header in the Italy Ireland match was sublime. For sure the most composed and solid diving header I have seen in months. And he plays for Borough you say? Hmmmm. Well, it is that kind of stepping up to the occasion that could see Irish eyes smiling in November (Cliche fives).

4. Andrea Pirlo - So everyone new AC Meelan are aged and creaking, and that Pirlos knees having seized permenantly into imovable blocks. I may have to rethink my calls for a
reshuffle of the Azzurri if Pirlo gets back in the groove, something which based on the sublime goal he put past Madrid to take the lead for the 2nd time. There was just nothing on, so he unleashed a screamer. It is like Pirlo '05 that we all know and love is back again

5. Ivan Klasnic - And so, due to More Than being complete dicks about insurance, we come to a pick from a recent game. I like Klasnic I do. He plays for Bolton, showing he is all about the football, so much so that he plays for Bolton, when he could be making a living on the banks of the med. Respect for that. Even more respect for scoring a goal like 3 minutes after being passed out on the floor. Woot.

Tito Would Have Loved This

So it is Champions League time again, and for the third time an Anglish team is hopefully going to get beaten around by Eastern Europes finest kids. Messrs Jovetic and Dzeko were on the case last time out. Hopefully everyone is versed up about Jovetic's mad skills after what he, and the rest of Florence's finest did to Liverpool, and Dzeko had a bit of an impact at Old Trafford the other week no?

So turning to tonight, I am hoping for yet more 'Liverpool get beaten about by super talented Eastern Europeans' action, this time courtesy of Miralem Pjanic. Lyon vs. Liverpool is one of those games that I love. I was ready to spend an evening watching the build up and game only for Sky to spoil everything for me once again. Is there anything they can't ruin about football? I was prepared to devote the entire evening to it and I work full time. Evenings are precious. But anyway, I am hoping beyond all hope that Pranjic gets good game on tonight firstly because an English team might go out in the groups (Oh the horror!), and secondly it will reaffirm my hopes that Bosnia get to South Africa next month.

So this brings me on to my main, and massivly ridiculous point. If Yugoslavia had not broken up (told you it was ridiculous) it would surely have the most exciting team on the planet, Seriously. Samir Handanovic is one of the most promising keepers in Europe right now, and it is not like there are many other world class keepers kicking around at the minute anyways. Vidic is one of the best defenders in the world right now, and I would bet my own head that him and Chelsea's Ivanovic would keep it tight at the back. Dejan Stankovic still scores the odd goal. Eduardo, Modric and Klasnic could get involved. Then there are the kids I mentioned before; Dezko, Jovetic, Pranjic. Rene Khrin and co might just fire Slovenia to the World Cup. I was going to mention Mirko Vucinic, but with Roma's form at the minute, he might not get a chance.

But there is more. If we are assuming Yugoslavia had never broke up, it dosen't seem to far fetched to assume that the people at the Croatian federation, they who convinced Eduardo to abandon Brazil, may have worked in the Yugoslav FA. You would think that if they can convince Eduardo to come to Croatia, they could probably persuade a certain Mr Ibrahimovic to play for the country of his parents no? Bohan Krkic is from that part of the world aswell?

See what I mean. This is a damn exciting team. A hundered and eighteen year old Josep Broz (In the context of this post, not to far fetched) could have watched his boys take South Africa by storm.

Jonathan Wilson, you are my hero.

Edit; I would just like to point out I have just found out Mr Wilson wrote about exactly this subject, although obviously way better. I would like it be known that I did not know this article existed when I wrote le above, honest. Anyhoom check it out. There is talk of tactical balance and everything.

The Real World Cup

So you may have grasped that I think it is pretty unfair that Blatter(dick) has decided that the European playoffs have to be seeded. You may think this is because of a natural soft spot for former Yugoslav countries, having spenth a month or two there last year I thus really really really want Slovenia and Bosnia & Herzegovina to qualify. You would probably be right of course, but even from a purely unbiased, totally sporting point of view it really dosen't seem fair to seed teams to start of with, then seed them again halfway through, having previously said you wouldn't. Jeez Sepp.

So Slovenia, having allready finished above two teams seeded higher than them in the group, see that count for nothing, and could face Portugal or France, two teams who finished behind lesser seeds, and yet will be seeded for the playoffs. It is just FIFA and Blatter dicking around so that the most marketable players can reach the world cup. Bunch of dicks.

So I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands, and drawn the playoffs myself. Completely unseeded. I may as well claim this is how the draw should have been. It is how FIFA said it would be. So, with additional comentary, I present to you, the draw for the World Cup Playoffs:

France vs. Russia - Woah. Big game. This would be undenaiably awesome over two legs. Every fan of football would agree no? I mean come on. How sweet. My money would be on France to shade it. Ribery scoring a wondergoal in the dying minutes at St. Denis to send France to the party. But it can never happen. This seems proof to me that FIFA have, to borrow from you Gianni, ruined football. This would rule.

Greece vs. Bosnia & Herzegovina - So this is actually an unseeded team vs. a seeded one. It could actually happen kids. Being honest, I think Greece, or maybee France, are the unseeded teams best chance of getting through. Greece came through a pretty easy group and France seem capable of throwing anything away when Domenech is calling the shots. I'd like to hope Bosnia could hold Greece in Athens, before winning infront of what would be an amazing atmosphere at Bilino Polje. Besides, no one wants to have to watch Greece go all '04 on us again right?

Ireland vs. Portugal - So again, another 'could happen' fixture. This would be such a sweet tie aswell. It would be undenaiably awesome seeing the Republic go up against Ronaldo and Co, especially at Croke Park. After the result against Italy, it shouldn't be impossible for the Irish.

Slovenia vs. Ukraine - Okay, I admit, there might not be much in this for the neatrals, but there are a whole lot of eastern Europeans who would certainly give a damn. The difference between Ukraine's ginormous stadium in Kiev, and Slovenia's teeny weeny one in Maribor would be a pretty cool contrast. And I reckon boths teams would fancy there chances. And lets be honest, it is the little guys who make the world cups.

So there you go. THIS IS THE TRUTH, THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE FIFA. And come on, this would be way better no?

The OFC Has Some Sweet Style

So New Zealand drew with Bahrain the other night. Big Game. In terms of what was at stake, equally as big if not bigger than that little old Argentina-Peru spectacle. One of those guys will get a place in the World Cup. I kinda hope the 'All Whites' make it. I guess they have the greater pedigree. Everyone saw that sterling Confederations Cup 0-0 with Iraq right? Glorious stuff. There is another reason I feel New Zealand should get the place, being the first OFC representative since way back in '82. The reason is this:

Jings, this guy is the complete badass. It is like the Blues Brothers spent a druken night with an Adidas Tango, and then neglected him throughout his childhood. I didn't see those Euro 08 dudes donning wayfairers. Footix, the france 98 guy, didn't have such a rad smirk. Never has a tournament mascot had such a effortless style. When have you ever though ''Jeez, this major tournament mascot is clearly way cooler than me''. Never, until this guy came along, and for that, the Oceanian Football Confederation deserves a break. Forza New Zealand.

Who Ate All The (Glory) Pies?

Antonio Cassano should be one of the best players in the world, but I think I prefer his career the way he has done it. His glorious relationship with Gianpaolo Pazzini at Sampdoria surely indicates he can put the last few years behind him and look to a future among Europe's eilte. Perhaps once the Sampdoria adventure is over (Heres hoping it could be as glorious as the early 90's ), a stint leading Juve to their first post scandal Scudetto with Pazzini in tow? Oh God. The thought of Cassano-Pazzini-Diego-Giovinco-Chielini-Aged Buffon-Cameos from Del Pel would be so so so beautifully, amazingly rad. It would cost like 25 - 30 million to prize those two away from Samp? I will gladly buy Fiats for the rest of my life if you could make this happen Juve. Seriously.

But back to the point in hand. Cassano's dark days at Madrid are summed up best by a bit of Wikipedia vandalism;

''Continuing reports of his erratic and anti-social attitude, his expanding waistline, due to a weakness for chocolate, cakes and more cakes, as well as soft drinks, beer, sweets and pies, led in May 2006 to Madrid fining him for every gram he remains overweight''. Check the source

Makes you realise what a ginormous risk Samp were taking. Huuuuge. But by God did it pay of. The old Cassano is back. Yes, so there is still the occasional clothes off tantrum but it is more than offset by the influence Fantonio had on this super loveable Sampdoria side. And to be fair, that Torino player went straight for the neck. That is going to make anyone angry. But yeah, it is nice to think that Mr Cassano feels at home in a team that is down the local Ristorante after every game. That is the way it should be. The fact that Mr Cassano is in a team currently second in Serie A surely indicates a call up is in order. That too, is how it should be.

So over to you Marcelo, why no call up? It is seems like a repeat of the Baggio-Trapatoni farce of 2002, and we all know how that ended. Cassano and Pazzini are the best strikeforce in Serie A since the dawn of 2009, both are italian and neither are in the Azzurri set up. So Di Natale is on fire and Gilardino scored last night, but Iaquinta could be sacrificed for one of these two, at least for two games where one point was needed. Italy have a wealth of options going into South Africa, but I am sure that leaving Cassano at home would be a mistake

This Could Rule #2

Sheeesh. The one time I really wanted England to win they go and throw it all away. Ukraine's win puts them in a pretty commanding position to oust Croatia from the World Cup. Surely they will win in Andora on wednesday? Surely. I am pretty devastated that Croatia probably wont make it. I have had a soft spot for them since Davor Suker and co. lit up France 98, and helped me realise that football was about more than endless Newcastle United induced heartbrake. They could and probably should have made the Final of Euro 2008, if only for the one million minutes of extra time on that rollercoaster night in Vienna. I am going to have to pray for the biggest night in Andorran football history.

Bosnia & Herzegovina made the playoffs. Good times in Sarajevo. Thing is, now Blatter (dick) ruined the playoffs I really fear they might not make it through. Would Greece be seeded? That might be their best hope. Let us pray once again for the miracle of Bilino Polje. Serbia made it. Gonna stick my neck out and make them my dark horses. Infact, Serbia and Chile will both reach the quarter finals. For sure.

How good did Ireland-Italy look? I really wish I had been down the pub for that one. Massive crowd, loads to play for, and some top notch goals being scored. Richard Dunne could see world cup football yet. Check out these highlights for yourself. Irelands first goal is sublime. Sublime I say!

Italy still need to get Cassano involved mind.

I Didn't expect Germany to get a win. Kudos to them. How many international goals has Miroslav Klose got now? It must be in the thousands. Should be pretty good to see Joachim Low lead a side once again, especially with the names Germany can call up. I feel 2010 will be Mario Gomez's chance to shine.

And yeah. That Argentina game was epic. The rain, good lord the rain. Who would of thought Martin Palermo would be the hero. The fact he scored the greatest header of all time with his face the other week could have been a clue. That was some comeback though, the rain made it somewhat biblical no? If he scores again on wednesday I would vote for some sort of new Martin Palermo adventures chapter to be inserted into the holy book. I reckon I could get a few others on side with that plan.

So wednesday brings one final evening of reckoning, before yet more november reckoning, you reckon? Is there any sequence of events that would see Portugal finish as the 9th best runner up. Finger crossed. Argentina should make it now. I would be confident if Maradonna could be trusted not to rotate his tits of between now and kick off in Uruguay. Thing is I hope Forlan makes South Africa aswell, so I should be supporting Chile right? Well I do that anyway. Problem solved.

And oh yeah, Bahrain-New Zealand was a disappointing 0-0. Damn.

Football Victories Shape a Nation’s Identity As Much As Any War

That title is a quote from President Franjo Tudman, a man who probably has a pretty good idea of how wars shape a nations identity. He wrote a book on guerilla warfare and was pretty caught up in the demise of Yugolsavia and the formation of an independant Croatia, and yet he still said that. Having spent a large portion of last summer in and around former Yugolsavia chatting to the locals, I got the opinion that that Tudman fella might have a point.

Former Yugolsavs Serbia are looking pretty secure at the South Africa check in, with Bosnia and Croatia hoping for the playoffs. You wonder how much football could mean to people who have gone through so much in the past fifteen years or so. Tudman was right, it means a lot.

Bosnia came out of the Yugolsav war badly, completely divided along ethnic lines, officially between Bosniaks and Serbs, and just as obviously between the Bosniaks and Croats. In Mostar, a focal point of the troubles, the divides are none more obvious than with the city's football teams. Zrinjski, the Croats, moved into Mostar's main stadium after it came out of the conflict on the Croat side of the city. With Croat money from nearby Medjugorje (Jesus must support these guys) and the support of the large Croat population Zrinjski took their first Bosnian title last season. Velez, the Herzegovinians, homeless after the loss of their 25,000 seater home, moved to a somewhat smaller stadium on the East side of the Neretva river and suffered relegation. The Yugoslav cup winning days of the mid eighties long forgotten. They are back in the top league again now, finishing mid table last season.

The difference between these two sides reflects the situation at large. Bosnian Croat businesses taking money to Croatia, whilst Bosian Muslims make the best of things. We were told that the Croat controlled airport in Mostar was kept closed so any one wanting to fly in had to fly to Dubrovnik in Croatia. Out west towards Medjugorje town halls proudly displayed the Croatian tricolour, whilst the Bosniak flag on the adjacent poll was a tattered mess.

The national team is genuinely exciting; Dzeko is undoubtedly the star, with a supporting cast of Misimovic, Muslimovic and Ibsevic amongst other bright prospects, but it also has the capability to unite under the Bosnian flag, not that of Serbia or Croatia and give the people of this war torn country something to be proud of. The fact that Bosnia have rarely lost at their Bilino Polje stadium surely speaks volumes for the atmosphere that must be created inside. Led by a Bosnian Croat, the guy who led Croatia at France 98, the team that introduced me to how glorious football can be, and compromising players from all three ethnic groups, it seems like the country can finally get behind a successful team.

They have overcome a farce-laden, ''we don't need this Zlatan fellow to play for us", frequently protested against, plain incompetent federation, to be in with a their best chance of a big tournament since they missed out on Euro 04 by one goal. A win against Estonia, whom they beat 7-0, (seven!) in the return fixture should see them get Turkeys spot in the ''Blatter Playoffs of Preference' where they will undoubtedly be unseeded and in need of a minor miracle to overcome one of the prefered teams.

So yeah, Bosnia vs. Estonia is important. It might help shape a nations identity. Football is important yo.

That Zlatan guy was Mr Ibrahimovic by the way...

Woah, Valencia kit

So Valencia play in this? Only in 'Major Spanish home games' but still, it is sweeeeeeeet


This has got to be one of the raddest football kits of recent time. It has a freaking bat across the chest, like Batman. Woah. Hats of to whoever thought of this, one of the best kits I have seen this season. Not just a 'nice' kit, there are loads of them around at the minute, this goes deep into awesome territory. Kappa kits are generally some of the best at the minute, especially if you favour the 'retro' look but this is pretty far out man. Surely there was atleast some minor controversy when this came out? It has a bat on it, I mean cmon. Normally I am not a fan of novelty badge incorporating kits. They tend to look, well, crap, but this really is well done. See what fools you were for leaving Kappa Werder Bremen. Jeez

This Could Rule

International week next week you know. A super huge international week at that. England are allready there so only a fool would pay attention to something other than Sky's premiership superleague. WRONG. Yes 'we' are there and I am quite happy about it, allthough I probably would have prefered Croatia to have the automatic spot, so England could get caught up in some playoff madness.

So how is the World Cup shaping up. Lets go through who is allready there. England are in. I am kind of excited about how we do. Maybee it is Defoe's time to shine and Young & Milner are exciting enough. The presence of Heskey and James should bring some hilarity to the table. The Netherlands should be glorious in the groups, then go out in some hilariously bad tempered afair, perhaps ending with penalties. Spain won't win, they lost at Soccer last summer.

Brazil's presence should be cool as will Paraguays. Not quite as good as the glory days of Chilavert, allthough I would like to hope he will be involved with the team in some way, perhaps sensationally becoming the first sporting director to score in the World Cup. Aisan teams are pretty much sorted and both Korea's are there. Both! South Korea I will allways love, after they won me eight quid eight long years ago. But North Korea? They play football there? How much does everyone want them to be drawn with Italy. And yeah, Ghana are in. The Black Stars ain't a great nickname by African standards but it is pretty sweet in a world wide context, and they where the best African team last time round.

The excitement of next weekend is due to the teams that could yet still qualify however (Duh!). I am probably most excited about Bosnia's games against Estonia and Spain (stay with me). Bosnia have some exciting players. Everyone knows Dzeko after last wednesday, but Misimovic, Ibsevic and Muslimovic are a few other names in an exciting team. They have never qualified as an independant country, and hopefully Blatter's (dick) sell out play off seedings will not ruin the dream. Imagine if they got Serbia or Croatia in the Playoffs though? I really hope they can make it.

Croatia should secure a play off spot, and I really hope they make it through. By far the team of Euro 2008. Hopefully Germany and Joachim Low (3rd sexiest manager in football) send Russia into they playoffs and the Azzurri should secure top spot in group 8. Why Lippi leaves out Cassano, his super stylish speedo, pie loving and Sampdoria-dragging-to-the-top-of-serieA ways is beyond me though. Italy could have one of the most exciting squads in South Africa if Lippi will drop some of the old guard. CoughCamourinesi.

Groups 2 & 3 seem to have few big teams, hence Slovakia all but guarenteed a place, and Northern Ireland still being in the hunt. I mean, what the hell? Greece? Switzerland? Sheesh.

And so to the France/Portugal situation. France are not as good as Serbia at the minute (Go Eastern Bloc!) but Ribery's gallic magic will see em through, and I hope that Denmark and Sweeden put Portugal out in Euro 2004 stylee so that Blatter (dick) and his stupid seedings don't get Team Ronaldo a place. Big weekend in Europe then, all I need is for someone to fill me in on how the 9 second place teams into 8 playoff spots things work and we are good.

And so to South America. Argentina play Peru and then put it on the line against Uruguay. I so hope they get in. Tevez, Aguero and Messi coached by Maradonna is so so so awesomely rad that i would cry if they missed out. They should get in ahead of Uruguay and Ecuador on passion and super skilled tiny attackers value alone, and i don't reckon a playoff against New Zealand, Honduras, Bahrain or like Shrewsbury or something, would be the end of the road. They have to make it through.

And so finally what of Chile. Guarenteed a place pretty much, allthough I couldn't name a player I don't think. Is Salas still involved? Allready they are my dark horse for the tournament.

Oh God next June is going to rule so hard.

Radetto Team of the Time #1

''Holy cow, A regular feature!'' I hear you cry. Think of it as more of an irregular but not to freaky feature, like a third nipple (One time I saw a dude with three nipples shake a dude with four nipples hand, via two dislocated shoulders. No Shit).

So yeah, I guess this is kind of like team of the week, except not weekly, and I can't guarentee eleven players to be honest. Maybee some kind of five a side thing. Allthough I would pick five keepers if nessecery. Anyways, here it the FIRST EVER RADETTO DELLA SPORT TEAM OF THE TIME!!!

1. Ilker Casillas. So Real Madrid lost, no sympathy there, but Casillas pulled of one of the greatest saves ever. Seriously. This is up there with Toldo 2000. One of Ilker's or any other keepers finest works. And he came from the academy. There is a lesson in this somewhere.


2. Frank Ribery. So I had better put this out there. I am pretty much in love with Frank Ribery. He couldn't be more gallic if he played with a beret and celebrated by waving a baguette. Anyone who crashes the team bus as a hilarious joke, and hangs out with the pink panther is pretty cool no? Plus he tried to score the greatest goal ever against Juve midweek but totally bottled it on the final touch. Super Rad. It is after 50 seconds:


3. Simon Rolfes. Woah, a Bayer Leverkusen revival is allways welcome. Feels to me like their fans must have been through more heartbrake than any other. Going to put my neck on the block and say they are my tip for the Bundesliga. Big Call seen as everyone knows they will finish second.

4. Sepp Blatter. Ironic call up for yet another attempt to dick over international football. If you say the play offs are unseeded then keep it that way. Don't shit your pants and seed it just to guarentee Ronaldo will be at the tournament. What a dickweed.

5 - 16. I am going to give the remaining positions, and fill the subs bench with the Arsenal first choice eleven. Pretty special no?

Sympathy For The Devils

So you may have gathered that I am not generally a supporter of English teams in Europe, unless it is the Toon or Fulham (I lived opposite the Cottage for a year), but having just watched the United game, if a British team has to win, I would like it to be them.

But this shocks even me. My earliest football memory was of United being the bad guys, they where responsible for 'I would love it'. They ruined the glorious dream time and time again. Loosing the league to them was probably a bit early for me, but in the 1999 FA Cup final those bastards reduced me to tears. My controversial among ten year olds decsision to support Bayern Munich in the Champions League final seemed fully justified. I remember a glorius Shearer inspired 4-3 a few seasons later, still that win is up there in terms of my favourite Newcastle memories. Jose Mourinho's touchline run brought joy to my heart.

But something changed. I think it was Arsenal and Chelsea that did it. United didn't win the league for a few seasons, went out of Europe early a few times. My viewpoint definately softened. During the Moscow final i suprised myself. I genuinely wanted United to win, and the fact that they did so during a game in which Ronaldo missed a penalty and then cried lots was perfect.

Now Ronaldo and Kenyon are gone really am struggling to find an acceptable hate figure. So Fergie is an obvious one, but I can't do it. I don't know why, I just can't. And besides, a man who took Aberdeen to European glory would be a hero if he hadn't done those things to Kev.

No hate figures is one thing, but I like, actually like the fact that here is a team that can take on the best in the world, but that features on a regular basis Ferdinand, O'Shea, Carrick, Fletcher, Neville, Hargreaves (God rest his sole), Rooney, Giggs and now Owen. It feels like a British team, unlike Liverpool, Arsenal or Chelsea. And i can't help but love Nemanja Vidic, what with my natural soft spot for eastern european talent, Ji Sung Park was a favourite since the glory days of Mr Ahn and co. in 2002, and if Ji Sung loves Patrice Evra which he clearly does (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br25EVIx8RA), then I can too.

See what I mean, i just used 'love' when talking about United. Still hope they loose at the weekend mind.

More tone...

I really really really hope Wolfsburg win tonight. Really Really

Glorientina

FIORENTINA ARE WINNING. Freaking glorious this is, unless it goes all Standard Liege. Without sounding too facetious, I love it when English teams loose in the Champions League. Even more so when it is Italian teams with big haired Eastern European strikers bagging the goals. To quote some journo dude ''Is the Champions League the new League Cup?'' Er... No. Fool.

Seriously though, i think it would be super rad to see Fiorentina have a good run in this years competition. It is pretty hard not to love them. Most of those guys are on pretty small salaries, Gilardino took a 75% pay cut when he signed from AC. The new Mutu is hard not to admire. Frey is surely the most underated keeper in football history. Short sleeved pink jerseys for life. And all this from a club who where in Serie C not so long ago, and have been pretty clever in the transfer market. Prandelli is working miracles in Florence. This is exactly how a football team should be.

And last time they got past the groups, it was pretty sweet

Setting the tone

As of 21:17 29/09/2009:

YES! Liverpool are losing!

Good night

Size dosen't matter

One of the things that irked me most about the stressfull process of Newcastle's relegation last season was the frequent allegation that we (yes, i feel Newcastle are the only team I can use 'we' for) are not, and possibly have never been a big club. It seemed that we are not the big club we think we are, and the fact that we apparently deluded ourselves with bigness meant we deserved to go down.

Why would we aspire to bigness? Why would any club? Surely every fan wants to see there club win stuff? This is ridiculous. A football club is a football club, some are succesful, others are Newcastle. It seemed the fact that we went down, and were apparently big, meant we were doomed to multiple relegations and certain death. Fans of other clubs laughed how we couldn't compete with the bigness of their teams. WHY DO PEOPLE CARE????????

Seen as this blog thinks foreign football is allways better, lets have a gander abroad. Villareal - wouldn't call them 'big'. Super sucessful, but not big. Wolfsburg - Did you see the season they just had? Staying in the Bundesliga, Hoffenheim - Tiny club, but i reckon the supporters are enjoying it. Barcelona - Huge, and gloriously sucessfull.

This whole ''you're not a big club, we are'' thing annoys the hell out of me. I really don't care about the size of Newcastle, all I know is i am developing a massive fondness for championship football.

The UEFA Cup is Dead, Long Live the UEFA Cup

Yeah yeah, I know I should refer to it as the Europa League nowadays, and that is my point. Seems to me like this whole UEFA rebranding thing has just made people, or atleast journalists and managers, think even less of it in this country, which is wrong, because the UEFA cup is one of the greatest competitions on earth.

Okay, first off in my defence; it was better as a straight knock out. No denying that. But apart from a largely superflous group stage, it is great.

Football is about more than the big four, way more. Supporting Newcastle, I have first hand experience of UEFA cup fandom. For teams like we used to be it is great. We got to a European semi final for christs sake! The excitement and nerves and banter surrounding the game with Marseille built up for days. 0-0 at home, could we get the away goal? Could we beat Valencia? Newcastle vs. Valencia in Gothenburg. The level of excitement and inevitable heartbreak that that UEFA cup run supplied was incredable. Just ask a Boro fan. You don't get that battling for sixth and seventh in the premiership Harry Redknapp. I know. The league is only exciting when you are a glorious underdog with Bobby Robson in charge and you nearly actually win the thing. What it must be like to be a Wolfsburg or Verona fan, when the boys actually pull it off, i can only dream off. And even if you don't win it you get to have Liverpool's champions league place, which you can then throw away against Partizan Belgrade.

And that is another good thing about the 'second tier' trophy. Big games take place outside of England and Spain. I was in Prague when the Sparta vs. Dinamo Zagreb game was on last season, and people were talking. People were excited. So people were also expecting violence, but that ain't the tournaments fault. HSV against Bremen in the semi final last year, HUGE. A freind is from Bremen and he described there win as up there with winning the Bundesliga. Damn I wish I came from Bremen. Dynamo Kiev vs. Shaktar in the other semi. That must have been massive in Ukraine. European games rule, and the UEFA cup gives fans huge, historical, romantic games that wouldn't exist in the Champions League. I would rather of watched either UEFA semi last year. Having said that, watching Chelsea-Barca just down the road from The Bridge was a good laugh.

Football is about excitement, and the UEFA provided that in spades (Cliche-tastic this). And any tournament that gives St Patricks a chance to play in the Olympiastadium is fine by me.

Long live the Europa League