Wednesday 30 December 2009

If I Was A Pro #1

Football at Christmas is kind of dull. Europe has closed down, and the never ending trudge of the English leagues is all that keeps us going. Until the glorius dawn of a new year that is the FA Cup third round, things are a bit samey, so with Newcastle grinding out solid, if uninspiring draws, other things have been on my mind at the Radetto offices.

Namely, what if we were Pros in the noble world of football? So to cries of 'Who would read this, you self indulgent bastard', here it is.

Okay, so the pro story would have started at high school. My glorious days in the top group for football would have been undenaiably more glorious if I had had the skills of a professional, but I guess I would have been the same type of player. Namely, one with a good reading of the game (the nicest thing any sports teacher said about me), but an lack of strength, and a fairly poor ability to dribble the ball. Basically, I was one of those deep lying midfielders/defenders, intercepting passes, putting in the tackles and playing the super sexy passes out to midfield. All of this with the physique of Peter Crouch. Not the most glamourous player then, allthough possibly the only player to represent the school (one glorious appearance) wearing an alice band.

So after school I guess it would have been the academy at either Everton or Crewe, like a few of the guys who could actually play at my school. I reckon the glamourous Italian flair of Dario Gradi would have seen me end up at Crewe.

After a few confidence building years at Gresty Road, churning out the mid table results, my chance to hit the big time would have undoubtedly arrived. Problem is, I really am shit at the physical side of the game. I reckon I would have thrived in a slower, more continental passing based enviroment. Plus the alice band would go down better there. So, come the end of the nineties (I am moving things around here cronologically a tad), the big money premiership move falling through, I feel Tirol Innsbruck would have been an ideal move. Thats right, FC Tirol Innsbruck.

First off, I do love Innsbruck as a city, being a man of the woods and mountains. But secondly, Tirol would have been a great place for a not quite premiership standard player such as myself (Ha!). Slotting into the back of Joachim Loew's diamond formation, no doubt I would have had a crucial role in the run to the 2000 Austrian Championship. Recognition in England gained in the sterling 0-0 draw at home to Valencia in that season's Champions League Qualifiers, and the defeat of Fiorentina in the Uefa cup, gaining me a crucial bit of attention to the clubs of Serie A.



So, after a 2nd Austrian title, aged 22 with English clubs interested, Martin sensatioanally turns them down, in favour of a move to Roberto Baggio's Brecsia filling the void left by Andrea Pirlo. The chance to form a deep relationship with his football hero, based on budhism, and glorious passes to much to turn down.

A place in this side would have been glorious, of that there can be no doubt. Not only supplying the balls through to Baggio and a youthful Luca Toni, but playing alongside Pep Guardiola for one glorious season and taking Brescia to new, glorious places at the Mario Rigamonti. Undoubtedly long lasting relationships would be formed with some of the greatest players in the world. I wouldn't want the Brecsia days to end...

Stay tuned for more; tales of (no) interest...

Chicks Are Football's Real Heroes

Professional footballers are hero's right? Maybee. I consider a few of them to be pretty rad dudes, but nothing more than that. I mean, can anyone who earns so so so much money be a hero? Damiano Tomassi is one. He was a damn good player for a while. Won a Scudetto, got to a European Champs final, then lost. He took the Italian minimum wage when he was injured at Roma. All pretty cool things to do, but still.



Turns out Girls are the real heroes of football. I mean, if you only have X's, and are good at football, there are like 100 teams you could play for in England alone. If you were prepared to travel a bit I am pretty sure that even I could hold down a place on the bench of any Quatari side right now. Just next to Mario Jardel, and I am sure the Quataris would throw in a villa and a golfcourse for Mario and I to hang out at between training sessions. If you are damn good at aforementioned sport, then money could mean nothing to you by the time your 25.

But if you have a Y hanging round in your chromasones, and skills at football, then things arn't quite so rosy. If you are the actual best woman in the whole country at football you could go Semi-Pro for Arsenal Ladies and play infront of a few hundered punters every weekend, but that is about it. Kelly Smith, voted the third best player in the world, was doing exactly that. In order to be fully pro she had to move to the US, and is now plying her trade in Boston, along with several other of Englands best. So to make a career out of football, these ladies have moved to America, and it is not like they have the celeb freinds and millions of pounds to reassure them that the US is best. You would be pretty aprehensive right?. There is a lot of stuff to leave behind.

See what I mean, theses girls clearly love football way more than any current premiership player. How many of the premiership's stars would turn up for regualr training aswell as holding down a day job? I would have serious doubts whether many of them could. And then, in order to turn pro, leave family and freinds and move to the opposite side of the Atlantic? Brave.

And that is just the best players. There are whole leagues of ladies out there, despite knowing that the absolute pinacle they could reach in this country is probably equivalent to a man playing for a mid table Conference North side. I am not sure Christiano Ronaldo would be the player he is today, if he knew the best he could hope for was evening training, a game a week on a sodden picth, a couple of quid at Harrogate Town.

My original thought was that lower league journeymen, those who never stoped believin' where footballs real heroes, playing football for a few quid a week. Turns out it is the fairer sex. You can be the third best player in the world and still be at that level, and yet still the determination to play is there. Clearly, the girls are in it for the football.

Thursday 17 December 2009

And Then There Were Sixteen

So it has been said the Champions League groupstage is a money making irrelevance. But then, what is football but an irrelevant distraction on the unavoidable trudge towards death. And yet I know a good few people who could not revere Shankly's famous 'more important than that' words more if they had come from the Christ himself. Even my year nine Religous Education teacher agreed that football was a religoin to many. So by that reckoning, the Champions League groupstage must be fucking important right?

Either way, it was a glorious feast of trans-continental football, that brought light in to my dark, cold midweek evenings, and no man brought more light than Laurent Blanc. This man is a footballing genius. The anti-Allardyce walks among us. Chamakh and Gourcuff are undoubtedly brilliant players, but Blanc has got a team whose third most recognisable player, to me at least, is Diego Placente, one of those classic 'what club does he actually play for?' players that crops up in defense for Argentina. Turns out it is Bourdeaux, but he dosen't get many games. Laurent has brought, an admitedly French title winning, but largely unknown squad through a group containing big spending Juve, and a trying-to get-their-act-togethor Bayern, with style. Good job. Bordeaux are the darkest of all dark horses.

Talking of Bayern, if they can get Robben and Ribery fit for febuary... by God that could be special.

Then their was those teams kicking off to the east. A European competition should have games kicking off in the frozen east of the continent. Not only did Rubin have the best name and kit (was that a winged lion?), they outplayed some of the best teams in the competition. CSKA made it through, with Unirea being Cluj-esque in their performance. Even Debrecen and Maccabi Haifa did kind of alright. These guys brought a bit of mystery and excitement, I mean c'mon, who dosen't want to follow their team to Tartarstan? But they also brought some genuinely chalenging fixtures aswell. For once that Platini fella was right.

Real and Barca? Those dicks that will ruin world football by signing all the worlds best player right? Well...nah. They both looked pretty good on occasion, but they could have both gone out in the final round of games if things had been a bit different. If this was the champmarketing league, they would win by miles, but happily enough, marketability (That is a word yeah?) has nothing to do with football. Sevilla looked the best team in the whole thing for quite a long time, churning out some top notch performances until they got through, and they ain't exactly pretty boys. Turns out the ability to kick a ball still counts for something in this modern age.

Then there was the Milanese. AC's glorious reneaisance under Leonardo was amazing to behold. The amount of aged joy the pitch during the win over Real was obvious even from ITV's highlights packages. Sure did put a smile on Marcotti's face. Seeing Becks help these guys heroically in the knockouts, preferably aganst Chelsea, would bring a tear to my eye. And then there is Inter. Somehow they just seem like an angry team at the minute, with Balotelli and Mourinho fighting throughout, but they pulled it out and got through.

And finally, there was the heoic efforts of ACF Fiorentina. First they beat Liverpool, then Lyon, and this from a team that could have easily all gone a bit Leeds not so long ago. It is nice to know that a bit of comitment, belief, inteligence and the ability to sell shoes can still get you somewhere in this sport. Angelo Di Livio must be smiling now.

Wednesday 9 December 2009

Fuelling the Market

Transfer rumours? Seems like Sergio Aguero can mention something about not going to Chelsea, and boom, it's all over the place. Ageuro £40 million pound raid, Aguero wants Chelsea, yada yada yada. Seems like these stories can come from nowhere, so here at Radetto we are going to try and improve things and push through transfers we would like to see, through rumour mongering alone. I mean, we totally have our ear to the failed agent corpse laden floor of the transfer market. We totally know some stuff you don't. So yeah, spread these rumours round kids. We can make football a better place.

Pazzini & Cassano to Juventus - I mean c'mon, this would rule. Just think, come febuary next year, Drogba makes his way through the Tuscan night, but runs into a supreme Chielini challenge. Chielini dinks it back to Buffon. Gianluca pauses, checks his headscarfe thing, and generally looks supremely cool, before lacing a pass out Diego. Diego runs forward before threading it out to Cassano, draped in the Biancolesti stripes, who procedes to dink and trick his way forward towards the box. A blur of begloved wonderment. Just when you think he is done for, he laces the pass back across the box to Diego, who eyes up the shot. But No! a sublime fake out cross glaces of the head of Pazzini and past Cech's grasp. Juve make the quarters, the old lady is back. Buffon - Chielini - Diego - Giovinco - Pazzini - Cassano - Del Piero etc would rule. I would buy FIATs for life. This was written before Bayernfest im Turin. Even more reason for them to get on the case.

Bojan Krkic to Arsenal. Imagine how supreme Arsenal would be if they didn't have to rely on Bendtner every other week. Senior Krkic, possibly the least Spanish sounding Spaniard ever, is the Radetto approved solution. First of, imagine Motty or Pearce trying to get their gobs round that name. It goes K - R - K for christs sake. But anyhoom. I like Bojan, he scored a few in Spain and could sort out the Arsenal striker situation. In the mighty Toon's absence, I think Arsenal would be a supreme home for the lad.

Sol Campbell to Anywhere but the Toon. FOR CHRISTS SAKE NO. The best defence in the Championship does not need Sol. Sheesh

Edin Dzeko to AC Milan. AC are getting there act togethor. Leonardo is going to bring them round. I can feel it. Now think how sweet it would be to see Leo at the head of a team with Alex Pato and Edin up front. AC would have one of the greatest striker combos on earth. With Pirlo in behind them they could cut sublime shapes all across the San Siro turf. Beautiful. Dzecks has allready said he would prefer Italy to the premiership, and no doubt AC are keen on him. He would help put AC a few more points on the board, and put the glamour back into Serie A again.

Robert Green to the Big Four. Give the lad a chance. This fella is good. Just give the man a chance. Yes, there was that England gaffe, but he didn't have much choice really. I blame Rio. Is it only me that sees the ideal replacement for Van Der Saar in this man's steely gaze? Plus he looks good in the British Racing Green of the England goalkeeper kit


Tuesday 1 December 2009

Team Of The Time #4

Team of The Time is back folks. Oh Yes. Just when you thought it was gone, lost in the wilderness, boom, back it comes, just like Adriano scoring 19 in 29 for Flamengo.

1 - Sebastian Frey. Yeah, putting Liverpool, or any English team out of the Champions League gives you some Radetto creds. Saying that, Seb has allways been one of my favourite goalkeepers since he replaced Buffon at Parma. Pink short sleeved jerseys, alice bands and awesome saves being one of my favourite combinations since childhood. But Mr Frey was super safe in goal against Lyon, keeping out Lyon's late pressure. Sweeet

2 - Juan Vargas - So you are stepping up for a penalty that could take your side into the last 16 of Europe's biggest fotball tournament. Only 7 seasons ago that team were in Serie C, and missed out at this stage, against the same opposition, the same time last year. Tense right? Not for 'the best Juan since Veron' Vargas. This pen was steely

3 - Klaas Jan Huntelaar. So AC Meeelan are 2nd in Serie A. Turns out Leonardo was a genius afterall. Not only that, but even Klaas Jan (I am so sure that is the name of a tractor company) got a few at the weekend. Furthermore, the 2nd was one of those 'oh you didn't' chips. Nice

4 - The FA Cup. Don't deny it, you would give the FA Cup a run out for your five a side team. Put it in the opposition's box, and it will head in those crosses. But seriously, it is not even the third round yet and I am allready convinced the FA Cup is one of the greatest tournaments on earth. 6,000 people turned up to see Oxford United take on AFC Barrow. That is two conference sides. And the atmosphere was electric. Seeing Newcastle take out a premiership side, preferably a top four one, would be the most glorious thing to have happened to the club in a long while. Big Four fans (often known as deluded fools) may disagree, but the FA Cup rules

5 - Laurent Blanc. The 2nd managerial genius to come out of France's golden generation. First off the man beats Lyon to the league title, then he goes and takes Bordeaux through a group containing Juventus and Bayern. He is clearly a genius. Girondins have one of those super exciting youthful talent teams and I really think they could go far. This could be the greatest gallic Champions League campain since Didier Deschamps' Monagasques went nuts a few seasons ago.