Liverpool for the Title. Boss.

So the literally bezillions of Radette's on twitter will have noticed a brave and somehwat foolhardy prediction of Liverpool for the title on the Radetto Twitter (Check that out kids). Things is as a Newcastle fan I can look at the title race in a completely unbiased way, and I wasn't just going for the lets say something ridiculous and controversial angle, I think Liverpool might have a genuine challenge this season.

Why is that then lad? Well the first team isn't that bad. They still have Torres, who will surely get back to form eventually, and Gerrard, who was pretty good for that other underachieving football institution midweek and will certainly get them points. If N'Gog can find the man within himself and score regularly all season (If Marlon Harewood can have a 20+ goal season then surely N'Gog can), he will be playing infront of a fairly potent first choice midfeild.

So the squad is fairly decent, but it is the man in the bench that is the reason I may put a bit down on Liverpool sensationally pulling this one out the bag. Hodgson has excelled in situations where he has had a not 'really good enough' squad, and taken them on to some fairly sensational things right through from taking Halmstad to the Swedish title before knocking up a sensational five in a row with Malmo. Whilst Malmo may have been one of Sweden's bigger teams, five in a row with any squad is not to be sniffed at, especially when you take in the knocking Inter out of the champions league antics. Hell, this is a man who got Switzerland playing some of Europe's best football, and took them 2-0 up against eventually not quite winners Italy in the '94 world cup. Then there was Copenhagen, another mid table side taken to the title, and we all know the Fulham story.

So yeah, Roy has a record for doing this kind of thing.

And then there is the fact that Liverpool's 'not quite good enough but that's ok cos we have got Roy' squad is relatively unchanged and will not have to cope with Champions League issues. Chelsea seem to be going all out for Euro Glory this year, and after last night, clearly the competition is going to cause Spurs a bit of stress and I can't help but feel united are going to have problems once there aged all-stars get completely crocked. And lets be honest, City is going to descend into an ego laden pit of despair this year.

 I should probably wait until after the city game to say this, but if the 'Pool can compete with the rest of the big seven in the same way they did against Arsenal and the squad can unite behind both Roy and the underdog banner then I at least think things could be rosy.

Team of The Time #6

Thought Radetto was dead, didn't you? Prolonged slumber is where it is at kids. It is on trend right now. Just ask a bear, or a squirrel. But we are back, and you know what the first thing a bear does after hibernating through the Canadian winter? That's right, Team of the Time:

Kevin Kuranyi - Yes! It's Kuranyi time guys. The man with the finest precision beard art in all of Gelsenkirchen is delivering the goods. Goal based goods. Always well bearded, seems like a while since big Kev has been amongst the goals like this, but he is back, at the front of an improbable Schalke '04 title challenge. If Kev keeps this up, he could spell out Deutchmeister across his chiselled lower face. That is something we all want to see. The unholy meeting of hair gel, beard grooming product and German lager as Kuranyi gets dowsed during the title celebrations would be a beautiful thing to behold. Here's to it.

Cacau - Bundesliga is where it is at right now (and possibly always), and whilst the big C-man may not have the chin foliage of some of the leagues other strikers, he is sure scoring the goals. 7 in 3 or something. Yowzers. Cacau could mastermind the biggest champions league upset in all of history, in fact, sod it, what are the odds of him banging in the first at the Nou Camp next week, or the week after. I'll take some of that. He is even German now? Madness eh? Seriously Podolski, your gonna have to score a few for your goat clad mates to get to South Africa now Cacau has got his passport stamped. German National. German International more like.

Remember the name, Wayne Rooney - Maybee the only time Motty got something just about right eh? Anyway, amongst all the super exciting news about those Chelsea defenders which was far too exciting for words, aparently Wayne did pretty well, scored a few goals from what I here. But you allready knew that. The boy could fire us to glory, if only he didn't look so bad in a super retro shirt.

Peter Crouch - Being Peter Crouch must be pretty darn sweet. Think of all the perks. First of, the horizon is at least 3kms further away for Crouchy, simple Pythagoras says so. Plus having awesome robot dancing skills is always a bonus, even if the big man rarely unleashes them even though he ALWAYS will score goals for England. Plus he looks so damn happy when he does get one, like the kindly father figure to the whole rest of England team set up. The man will be going to South Africa, he really should. Yet there are still more reasons to envy the big man. He is so tall I doubt he can hear what bell enduous nonsense Harry Redknapp is spluttering out whilst down the Spurs training field, plus I hear his wife is a babe. Oh Crouchy....

The Whole of The J-League - Hell yes, a five a side team featuring at least 200 of Japans finest players, pus a load of naturalised Brazilians would be neigh on invincible. Could just stack dudes in the goalmouth. So the J-League kicks off this weekend, meaning all teams with the greatest names ever, and some of the best flag displays known to man, are back in action. I have no idea how my personal faves JEF United will fair. I predict well. But when Nakamura and Ono are setting the world cup alight, you are gonna wish you had paid the J-League more attention

The Ballad of Little Mickey O

This tale begins back in '98 in the cool Saint Etienne breeze. A young lad from Cheshire way had something special up his short Umbro sleeve. The lad had 23 goals in the big leagues, 23 times he had got his name up in lights. There was talk he could be the next big thing, Englands new hope, the man that could bring the titles back to Liverpool.

So he went on a bit of a jog did little Mickey Owen in France. Floppy haired Becks lofted it up. A deftness of touch and a burst of raw pace. A jink right, a jink left, and a sublime finish. Good God it was good. But that was it. That was best, his zenith, his peak. The mountains rolled away in front of him, he would never tread so high again, than he did that night in St Etienne. I doubt if he knew it, but ahead of little Mickey, lay the foothills and plains. Some high points yes, but at the end of it all was a city by the sea, all altitude lost, the Gallowgate called.

And so it went. Make no mistake, little Mickey still tucked them away; another eighteen then eleven more, before one glorious season that promised so much. Mickey won the cup by himself he did, one afternoon in Cardiff, then again in Dortmund. Three titles for Mickey and the Reds. This was it, they could challenge for the league, the Champions League. Gerrard knew how to do it, Mickey knew how to find the net. He got three on that night in Munchen, the first man do that since some bloke in red. Liverpool were ready, and so was Mickey. How could it fail? Yet fail it did, it all unravelled somehow, it didn't happen. It was time for a change.

So Mickey went Galactico, when he could get a game. The boy did good, he outscored Raul and everyone else in Spain. It was going so well. Except it wasn't somehow. Goals per minute is great n' all, but if you still ain't getting the minutes so what can you do? You could go to Newcastle I suppose.

Hoho, Mickey was to good for that, he could never be convinced tha Tyneside is where his future lay. But he did it, he wanted to play, hats off to the lad. Alas, injurys took their toll, he scored when he could but is wasn't what it was supposed to be. As he looked over his shoulder little Mickey could see European glories over on the Mersey. Should have gone back lad, should never have left. Turns out fortune dosen't allways favour the brave. You can be a man, and stride out from home, away from the worship of the Kop, and how does fate repay you, by exploding your knees that's how.

When Mickey was playing, he could still put them in, but that second night in Germany, something broke. The knee poping, the spiralling fall. Seemed like the nation recoiled, seemed like Mickey could be done, but he wasn't. The lad picked things up, and after a years out he was back on form. Keegan and Owen, how could that fail? Then some fat bastard ruined it. Mickey despaired with the rest of us. He got caught up in the great shitstorm of the Tyne. He lost face, he lost his England place, he got relegated for Christs sake.

But Mickey had one last trick up his sleeve. The boy couldn't jink no more. He is a poacher now, but if you are poaching for Manchester United, you are going to catch some pheasants, and so Mickey proved. Last gasp winners, European hattricks, the boys getting them. Not bad for a lad with knees held togethor with naught but bailor twine.

Alas Mickey's future is still up in the air. You need games for England lad so it seems, Bailor twine or no. But we need a poacher right, an impact sub? Surely no Italian can forget what good an past his prime hero can do. Take the lad Fabio. His knees may be past it, his speed gone, but he is a good lad.

I was going to be all scathing in the above rubbish, but it turned out all posetive. Who'd have thunk it?

Team Of The Time #5

So here we are. The fifth occasional Radetto team of the time. There was talk of multi million pound transfers to other more well known, actually read by real people blogs. Alas, all were turned down, so here's what you get:

1. Luca Toni - So the transfer window has been a bit of a let down. 4 months of tabloid speculation seem to have failed to materialise. Apart from big Luca. Seems that Euro '08 somehow broke him a little bit. The million goal wurst und weissbier fan seemed to have lost his golden touch. And lets be honest, we all wanted Toni's return to triumphant. The big man teaming up with Totti again, just like that summer four long years ago. And it went so well. That smile is infectious no? DM

2. Marco Boriello - Another Italian journeyman pick. Boriello seems to have been there abouts for a good while now. After a glorious year at Genoa and a big money move to AC, you got the feeling that he would become another one of those almost guys. He had only hit double figures in two seasons ever. But things seem to be going okay in Milan. A few goals, still getting some appearances, however it is a mighty task to steal the limelight away from Filippo Inzhagi, and you have to respect the man for taking it on.18 months later, he finally did it. This was a sublime goal. First off, FIlipo would have been offside, but I doubt he could have pulled a goal out from that position without a decent amount  of elbow deflection. Boriello said he just felt the ball and that was all it took, like a Jedi. Whatever happened, he hooks that thing out of the air in a supreme fashion. Who says Serie A needed Zlatan? DM

3. Lee Chung Yong - The second most excellent bachelor in all of South Korea, Lee Young-Pyo can get bent, and Seol Ki-Hyun? Seol Ki-Hwho? Harsh, but we need to get with the times, this cat is 21 and he's already the best at football of anyone in Bolton, even when Vernon Kay goes back twice a year to visit his gran. I wish June Sarpong was still hot... And you wish your teenage/young adult/middle aged/deathbed hero of 2006, Lee Young-pyo, was still the second best South Korean player to hit the Premiership. Dead wrong, mate. Owen Coyle's reputation for 'good' football (I didn't actually WATCH Burnley games, sheesh), precedes him and this gent exactly what he needs if he's going to surmount the fact that Bolton is 4 feet deep in pies and everyone has mouths on their knees. You know readers, I get the feeling, that in time, he will play for a better club than Bolton Wanderer's FC. Everton or somebody. IJC

4. Clint Dempsey - AKA Deuce, The Human highlight reel, the Kansas City Can Opener,  AKA the winner of this months Radetto Crossbar Chubby of the Century! Fuck, who needs over a cenury of cultural immersion when you've got money athleticism and rigourously practiced technique?! You know what I always say, 'What up? The best footballers aren't bred in the streets, dude, they're made in laboratories. With a shit load of cones. Peace!' But he's gone, stolen from us by an incident that didn't make the highlight reel. But fear not ,one of his crew, The Scholarship Six (who probably also read the Guardian Sport website that day, come to think about it) has informed me he'll be back for the World Cup, just in the nick of time to net me a modest amount on a radical anti-patriotic bet: Clint to put in a lung busting performance: 200 - 1 against.

Are you seriously telling me that given the oppurtunity you WOULDN'T make a rap video? IJC

5.Boaz Myhill - Boaz is one of those keepers who inhabit the lower reaches of the premiership. The Paddy Kenny/That guys who played for Charlton type. The type who will occasionally have one heroic day in the limelight. Last weekend it was Boaz' turn. But it wasn't just the heroic clean sheet that we liked here at Radetto. It was the style of the saves. It was Deflecto-tastic 90 minutes of goalkeeping. That man wasn't gonna catch nothing. Hero. DM

Fuelling the Market

Transfer rumours? Seems like Sergio Aguero can mention something about not going to Chelsea, and boom, it's all over the place. Ageuro £40 million pound raid, Aguero wants Chelsea, yada yada yada. Seems like these stories can come from nowhere, so here at Radetto we are going to try and improve things and push through transfers we would like to see, through rumour mongering alone. I mean, we totally have our ear to the failed agent corpse laden floor of the transfer market. We totally know some stuff you don't. So yeah, spread these rumours round kids. We can make football a better place.

Pazzini & Cassano to Juventus - I mean c'mon, this would rule. Just think, come febuary next year, Drogba makes his way through the Tuscan night, but runs into a supreme Chielini challenge. Chielini dinks it back to Buffon. Gianluca pauses, checks his headscarfe thing, and generally looks supremely cool, before lacing a pass out Diego. Diego runs forward before threading it out to Cassano, draped in the Biancolesti stripes, who procedes to dink and trick his way forward towards the box. A blur of begloved wonderment. Just when you think he is done for, he laces the pass back across the box to Diego, who eyes up the shot. But No! a sublime fake out cross glaces of the head of Pazzini and past Cech's grasp. Juve make the quarters, the old lady is back. Buffon - Chielini - Diego - Giovinco - Pazzini - Cassano - Del Piero etc would rule. I would buy FIATs for life. This was written before Bayernfest im Turin. Even more reason for them to get on the case.

Bojan Krkic to Arsenal. Imagine how supreme Arsenal would be if they didn't have to rely on Bendtner every other week. Senior Krkic, possibly the least Spanish sounding Spaniard ever, is the Radetto approved solution. First of, imagine Motty or Pearce trying to get their gobs round that name. It goes K - R - K for christs sake. But anyhoom. I like Bojan, he scored a few in Spain and could sort out the Arsenal striker situation. In the mighty Toon's absence, I think Arsenal would be a supreme home for the lad.

Sol Campbell to Anywhere but the Toon. FOR CHRISTS SAKE NO. The best defence in the Championship does not need Sol. Sheesh

Edin Dzeko to AC Milan. AC are getting there act togethor. Leonardo is going to bring them round. I can feel it. Now think how sweet it would be to see Leo at the head of a team with Alex Pato and Edin up front. AC would have one of the greatest striker combos on earth. With Pirlo in behind them they could cut sublime shapes all across the San Siro turf. Beautiful. Dzecks has allready said he would prefer Italy to the premiership, and no doubt AC are keen on him. He would help put AC a few more points on the board, and put the glamour back into Serie A again.

Robert Green to the Big Four. Give the lad a chance. This fella is good. Just give the man a chance. Yes, there was that England gaffe, but he didn't have much choice really. I blame Rio. Is it only me that sees the ideal replacement for Van Der Saar in this man's steely gaze? Plus he looks good in the British Racing Green of the England goalkeeper kit

IJC's Turbo 3: Ways to Improve Football

What's this? An international, uncensored platform for my progressive, righteous ideas on taking soccer to the next level? To an interstellar, astronomical-span level? All we need now is for that Sepp Platini chap to on the off chance Google 'Radetto interstellar turbo soccer' and we can ring the following changes:

1. Install a dense web of microphones

I cannot be the only one for whom thirty seconds on every Match of the Day is simply not long enough to appreciate the forthright, no-nonsense Yorkshire tones of Mick McCarthy; tones that will take on a new and improved intensity as he lambastes his back four as a 'parcel of soft fucking fairy shite'. An intricate canopy of high powered microphones strung across the pitch will ensure that next time Chris Eagles doesn't get the pass he wants we all get to hear exactly what he plans to do with his hair next season. You will have guessed by now that this would necessitate shifting all televised kickoffs to an OFCOM friendly 9.00pm but it shouldn't really matter, matches look far cooler at night anyway.

2. Start planning it like Pro Wrestling

A disconsolate Phil Brown shakes his head. The dude with the microphone on Sky Sports 3 asks his question again. PB is the very definition of incredulous, for not ten minutes ago he thought he had his routine, or as close as Hull gets to it, home draw against Bolton in the bag and a glorious hard earned point with it. But as the 86th minute ticks round, Middlesbrough storm the pitch! Good god! Their North-East compatriots and surely rivals! Hull had given them up for dead but with the referees attention diverted by muscling Jérémie Aliadière off the field Strachan sends the Coventry fans in the stands into raptures, skipping the ball past the back four and blasting into the top corner. Pandemonium! With the Hull players wheeling off to celebrate, the referee turns and finding the ball buried firmly in the net has no option but to award the goal! 2-1! Bolton have pulled the most incredible of comebacks! Did you ever see anything like it?!
Back in front of the adverts for energy drinks and pickup trucks an incandescent Phil Brown seizes the mic,'let Phil Brown get ESPN on you just one second...' fixing the hapless Sky employee with a steely gaze '...Strachan may think he had the best of us tonight, but I know, Phil Brown knows that in two weeks... Right there at the Riverside...For the Hollands Pies North East Pride Plate... that Phil Brown and Hull City will run a train of Premier League pain on Middlesbrough FC.!' His words hang in the air, Sky Sports 3 guy reels, stunned. Hull fans watching on the KsCreen Jumbovision reel, stunned. A wry smile crinkles onto his face, 'There is just... one more thing. At the Riverside I took the liberty of inviting a special guest referee... Mido.' PB drops the mic, Sloop John B plays, the KC erupts.

Then I would have something to refresh my browser every 5 minutes for.

3. Legalise steroids.

If there's seven things football fans can't get enough of it's screamers, majestic diving headers, utter powerhouses, pile drivers, guys doing flips and strikes rending the crossbar and both posts in twain. Granted that last one only happens in the mind of the most cartoon reared supporters but it could become a reality if we all make a solemn, heart debilitating commitment to furthering the game, nay, the human race. Picture the top of the table clash of 2021 as a juiced up Drogba equivalent leaps his entire height, clearing a six foot wide but four foot tall stunted youth prospect, cradles the ball on his shoulder and laces, and I mean absolutely laces a high-altitude volley downwards to goal. Of course, once a ball is struck with a critical vigour the Doc Brown Inflammatory Principle comes into effect, leaving a trail of flames scorching from his boot. Just as you think the whole net is about to go up in flames, noooo SAAAAVE, the six foot ten, genetically modified keeper launches from the other side of the goal, stopping it dead with his gargantuan fingers; a one handed save to keep the scores level at a tantalising 0-0.

Nuts to this, I'm all amped up! A breakaway league is the only solution, get Vince McMahon on the pho... oh.

Scouse Football Side Not Quite As Good As They Were!

Oh God. Liverpool are in crisis. Crisis I tell you. Perhaps even Crises. Certainly feels like that if you can read and happen to glace at any form of media. Soon the whole of the red side of the city will be sucked into a Rafa shaped vortex leaving a desolate wasteland prowled only by the ghost of Roy Evans.

But wait. It's not that bad. Its just a football team that have declined slightly. But y'know, they have declined a bit, and should probs do something about it sometime soon. So, in a rare bit of comment on an actual, currently in the news story, here is Radetto's 2 euro cents on The Slight Decline Of Liverpool FC.

I can't be the only one who thinks that El Reds 09 don't have that 'woah, good squad there' presence of yore. Rafa does seem a bit hit and miss on the old transfer situation. No man could turn down £30,000,000 for Xabi Alonso (Zero's for emphasis there), but Beardy Raf was going to flog him for half of that last year. On top of that, I am super pro Italian football and not even I can see Aquilani succeeding in the youkay. I hope I am wrong, and Aquilani unleashes both a sensational scouse 'tasche and an edge of the box goal rampage. They should have kept Riise, despite the occasional massive, massive, ginger tinged gaffe and everyone knew Hypia was well hard, and actually good at football, which would have been a plus against Lyon. And he can score goals for Liverpool, not the opposition, another advantage over Jimmy Carrageh.

The fact that Jimmy C just ain't the player he used to be is probably worth a paragraph. So here it is. The Carragaffe paragraph. But seriously, he really doesn't look capable week in, week out anymore. Sometimes awesome, ie. United games, sometimes crap, ie. Fulham et al.

And the players coming in are all a bit Quantity Mart. There have been some gudduns, but a lot of the time at least a third of the red XI look like mid table Spaniards to me. If they put a bit more thought in surely things would be much more rosy. Liverpool have signed a lot, I mean a lot of duds, and missed out on some diamonds. They really should have made more of the Dutch exodus of Real Madrid. Schneider or Robben would have been a sensational, yet realistic signature . I reckon Chelski's transfer ban is a blessing for the 'Pool aswell and they reallly need to take advantage of that. But yeah, recent signings records reads over priced or over ratted in my humble, Pierpaolo Marino esque, opinion. Infact, getting Pierpaolo onboard would be genius. This is the man that built Napoli's current first team, aka the most highly rated young team in Italy right now. They should totally get Transfer Pat on board. That would rule.

And another thing. If they do go out of the Champions League, the Europa League ain't that bad is it? They would be up there amongst the contenders, and a good run would bring a bit of a feelgood factor to the fields of Anfeild Road no? And lets speculate here, Bayern Munchen/Valencia/HSV/Sporting/Villareal vs. Liverpool would a glorious tie, whatever competition it is in. Remember those nights against Roma and Barcelona many moons ago. An exact repeat wouldn't be so bad?

So yeah, if Evans came back, that would be a crisis. All Liverpool need to do is win a but of Europa glory, poach a few from Chelsea, get Pat Marino onside and Anfield is smelling of roses eh? That ain't to much to ask is it now Rafa lad?