Success @ St. James' Park

And so two goliaths of the English game pre-1920 met last night at Deepdale, with The Toon looking to hold their place at the top of the English Championship. It is like nothing has changed.
I was pretty gutted when Newcastle went down last season. Supporting The Toon has allways lead to heartbrake, but going down just made me angry. Lets be honest, it was Mike Ashley's fault. I can still remember where I was when I got a text saying 'Keegan gone, Milner Sold'. On a bus from Sarajevo to Jajce. Actually it had stopped for lunch on the side of the road, next to this white horse. That text was devastating. Pre 'Horse-text-gate', supporting Newcastle had felt good again. We had Kev, we had a good team, we had drawn at Old Trafford. Then Ashley ruined it.

But now things are going better. Top of the table better. Glorious. And we didn't sell to many players. When was the last time two Argentinian internationals played in the 2nd tier? I am enjoying supporting Newcastle again, and not just 'cos we win a lot at the minute. I am totally going to jinx up everything here, but next season, trying to stay in le prem (crosses everything) should be way more exciting that a dull run to 11th. And if we do better than that; Glorious. Make yourself familiar with Parma's current situation, but that could be us, a team of journeymen, youngsters and not-quite-good-enough for-the-big-time-ers.

And that brings me on to the squad. Watching the Kevin Nolan - Alan Smith joint interview last night warmed my heart. Seriously, it was lovely. Both or their accents seemed to have thickened since 'the drop' and it seems this whole 'team vibe' thing might be true. They really really wanted to get us out of this league. Managerial stability is working as well, Crissy seems to be the man. And then there is the youth. Ranger and Carrol and ranger have got to be two of the best young englishmen knocking around the Championship.

And hopefully we can take that other united out of the cup. I actually think we could be back in Europe in a few seasons. Whatever people say, the support is there, and we should be getting in Europe really. But for now, the Championship rules.

Ashley is still a dick though.

Henry Handball Outrage!!!

!!!

I love this picture more than words can describe.

World Cup Qualifiers Live Radetto Minute by Minute

Full Time Bosnia haven't made it. That is a pretty big shame. I genuinely thought they could make it, as you might have gathered. Hopefully they can keep it togethor and they should be a shoe in for the Euro's. Seems a long way off for now though. Absolutely gutted.

Portugal vs. Bosnia & Herzegovinia - Radetto Minute by Minute LIVE

Hindsight Before the game I would have said a 1-0 loss would be a good result for Bosnia, so I am going to stay optimistic, however they hit the woodwork three times, and looked a match for Portugal for most of the game. An away goal would have been invaluable. Alas. I don;t think something like a 3-1 win at home is beyond the realms of possibility, and Hasagic looked really solid in nets. The dream is still on. I still feel both of these sides play better football than both Greece and Ukraine though, make of that what you will. .

IJC's Turbo 3: Ways to Improve Football

What's this? An international, uncensored platform for my progressive, righteous ideas on taking soccer to the next level? To an interstellar, astronomical-span level? All we need now is for that Sepp Platini chap to on the off chance Google 'Radetto interstellar turbo soccer' and we can ring the following changes:

1. Install a dense web of microphones

I cannot be the only one for whom thirty seconds on every Match of the Day is simply not long enough to appreciate the forthright, no-nonsense Yorkshire tones of Mick McCarthy; tones that will take on a new and improved intensity as he lambastes his back four as a 'parcel of soft fucking fairy shite'. An intricate canopy of high powered microphones strung across the pitch will ensure that next time Chris Eagles doesn't get the pass he wants we all get to hear exactly what he plans to do with his hair next season. You will have guessed by now that this would necessitate shifting all televised kickoffs to an OFCOM friendly 9.00pm but it shouldn't really matter, matches look far cooler at night anyway.

2. Start planning it like Pro Wrestling

A disconsolate Phil Brown shakes his head. The dude with the microphone on Sky Sports 3 asks his question again. PB is the very definition of incredulous, for not ten minutes ago he thought he had his routine, or as close as Hull gets to it, home draw against Bolton in the bag and a glorious hard earned point with it. But as the 86th minute ticks round, Middlesbrough storm the pitch! Good god! Their North-East compatriots and surely rivals! Hull had given them up for dead but with the referees attention diverted by muscling Jérémie Aliadière off the field Strachan sends the Coventry fans in the stands into raptures, skipping the ball past the back four and blasting into the top corner. Pandemonium! With the Hull players wheeling off to celebrate, the referee turns and finding the ball buried firmly in the net has no option but to award the goal! 2-1! Bolton have pulled the most incredible of comebacks! Did you ever see anything like it?!
Back in front of the adverts for energy drinks and pickup trucks an incandescent Phil Brown seizes the mic,'let Phil Brown get ESPN on you just one second...' fixing the hapless Sky employee with a steely gaze '...Strachan may think he had the best of us tonight, but I know, Phil Brown knows that in two weeks... Right there at the Riverside...For the Hollands Pies North East Pride Plate... that Phil Brown and Hull City will run a train of Premier League pain on Middlesbrough FC.!' His words hang in the air, Sky Sports 3 guy reels, stunned. Hull fans watching on the KsCreen Jumbovision reel, stunned. A wry smile crinkles onto his face, 'There is just... one more thing. At the Riverside I took the liberty of inviting a special guest referee... Mido.' PB drops the mic, Sloop John B plays, the KC erupts.

Then I would have something to refresh my browser every 5 minutes for.

3. Legalise steroids.

If there's seven things football fans can't get enough of it's screamers, majestic diving headers, utter powerhouses, pile drivers, guys doing flips and strikes rending the crossbar and both posts in twain. Granted that last one only happens in the mind of the most cartoon reared supporters but it could become a reality if we all make a solemn, heart debilitating commitment to furthering the game, nay, the human race. Picture the top of the table clash of 2021 as a juiced up Drogba equivalent leaps his entire height, clearing a six foot wide but four foot tall stunted youth prospect, cradles the ball on his shoulder and laces, and I mean absolutely laces a high-altitude volley downwards to goal. Of course, once a ball is struck with a critical vigour the Doc Brown Inflammatory Principle comes into effect, leaving a trail of flames scorching from his boot. Just as you think the whole net is about to go up in flames, noooo SAAAAVE, the six foot ten, genetically modified keeper launches from the other side of the goal, stopping it dead with his gargantuan fingers; a one handed save to keep the scores level at a tantalising 0-0.

Nuts to this, I'm all amped up! A breakaway league is the only solution, get Vince McMahon on the pho... oh.

Bosnia & HerzeGlorynia

Sup guys (Cal, Leanne, maybee Neal. Hows it going?). Okay, so I have a pro-Bosnia and Herzegovina streak in me. I am not going to deny that. And I totally think you should jump on my Yugo towed, Sarajevsko serving bandwagon. I even have some valid footballing reasons, which go beyond 'I totally had some way good times there a while ago', some of which may appeal even to the average Eng-Er-Land fan. Check it out. I even made a list:

1. This is for you England Fans (Kitchiner style point). England will get knocked out by Portugal. We all remember '06. That stamping, winking, Argentina 98-esque affair. No one wants that again, not even me. And the whole 'Sol Campell pushed someone in the box' thing from '04, where the ghosts of '98 were on poor old Sol's back again. They were horrible horrible games. Seeing all Owen Hargreaves hard work and steely penalty determination being undone by a weeping Steven Gerrard? No thanks. I would rather loose 3-0 to Germany ta.

2. Bosnia are a damn exciting football team. Not just in that 'they have young players who scored loads in the Bundesliga/Spanish mid table/For Lyon' way. They actually are exciting. They scored, and conceded most of all the teams to make the play-offs. It is almost Keegan-esk. The 'dead' game with Spain finished 5-2. Seven goals kids. They put 7 past Armenia aswell. Everyone loves teams of glorious attacking power, that really can't defend at well. Bosnia is that exact team.

3. It might be like Croatia '98. Remember that? It was the greatest, most super happy, heart warming run in football tournament history. Dzeko could be the next Davor Suker. I apreciate that comparison may not be at all popular in certain parts of the world. I just mean he could score loads of goals and stuff. Anyone who disagrees with this is clearly not a fan of football or happiness. It would be glorious. Eastern Bloc teams are allways great at World Cups, they either go nuts and reach the semis, or go nuts and loose 6-0 to the Dutch. Either way, top notch stuff.

4. Miroslav Blazevic - Talking of 98, this fella was coach of the tournament. He masterminded that Croatian dream team. Rad. The man invented 3-5-2*. Also Rad. He has lucky shoes, and best of all, said that he didn't need to qualify after seeing Bosnian Muslim fans cheering for his Bosnian Serb 'keeper. The man is 77 (73 next year) and is finally leading the country of his birth, hopefully to something historical.

5. The politics and history of it all. Some fool had a stab at summarising it here, and this guy is there first hand. Seems to me a football team to unite behind might be a damn good thing for this country

6. The team is exciting in the 'have young players who scored loads in the Bundesliga/Spanish mid table/For Lyon' way. Misimovic & Dzeko at Wolfsburg, Ibseviv & Salihovic and Hoffenheim, Pranjic at Lyon. This is such an exciting team. For such a small country, with so little money to invest in football to have these talents is pretty amazing. They really do need this golden generation to shine.

7. No one really likes Ronaldo do they? Really? If Portugal win this I will buy every fake Ronaldo shirt I see. Take that FIFA marketing board. Ha.

So there you go. I dare you to resist having a quick flick at Ceefax whilst watching the Brazil game on Saturday night. Those little pixelated numbers could mean a lot to a few million people not far from here.

*The invention of the 3-5-2 is up for debate. Here it is: It was Blazevic you pricks

Scouse Football Side Not Quite As Good As They Were!

Oh God. Liverpool are in crisis. Crisis I tell you. Perhaps even Crises. Certainly feels like that if you can read and happen to glace at any form of media. Soon the whole of the red side of the city will be sucked into a Rafa shaped vortex leaving a desolate wasteland prowled only by the ghost of Roy Evans.

But wait. It's not that bad. Its just a football team that have declined slightly. But y'know, they have declined a bit, and should probs do something about it sometime soon. So, in a rare bit of comment on an actual, currently in the news story, here is Radetto's 2 euro cents on The Slight Decline Of Liverpool FC.

I can't be the only one who thinks that El Reds 09 don't have that 'woah, good squad there' presence of yore. Rafa does seem a bit hit and miss on the old transfer situation. No man could turn down £30,000,000 for Xabi Alonso (Zero's for emphasis there), but Beardy Raf was going to flog him for half of that last year. On top of that, I am super pro Italian football and not even I can see Aquilani succeeding in the youkay. I hope I am wrong, and Aquilani unleashes both a sensational scouse 'tasche and an edge of the box goal rampage. They should have kept Riise, despite the occasional massive, massive, ginger tinged gaffe and everyone knew Hypia was well hard, and actually good at football, which would have been a plus against Lyon. And he can score goals for Liverpool, not the opposition, another advantage over Jimmy Carrageh.

The fact that Jimmy C just ain't the player he used to be is probably worth a paragraph. So here it is. The Carragaffe paragraph. But seriously, he really doesn't look capable week in, week out anymore. Sometimes awesome, ie. United games, sometimes crap, ie. Fulham et al.

And the players coming in are all a bit Quantity Mart. There have been some gudduns, but a lot of the time at least a third of the red XI look like mid table Spaniards to me. If they put a bit more thought in surely things would be much more rosy. Liverpool have signed a lot, I mean a lot of duds, and missed out on some diamonds. They really should have made more of the Dutch exodus of Real Madrid. Schneider or Robben would have been a sensational, yet realistic signature . I reckon Chelski's transfer ban is a blessing for the 'Pool aswell and they reallly need to take advantage of that. But yeah, recent signings records reads over priced or over ratted in my humble, Pierpaolo Marino esque, opinion. Infact, getting Pierpaolo onboard would be genius. This is the man that built Napoli's current first team, aka the most highly rated young team in Italy right now. They should totally get Transfer Pat on board. That would rule.

And another thing. If they do go out of the Champions League, the Europa League ain't that bad is it? They would be up there amongst the contenders, and a good run would bring a bit of a feelgood factor to the fields of Anfeild Road no? And lets speculate here, Bayern Munchen/Valencia/HSV/Sporting/Villareal vs. Liverpool would a glorious tie, whatever competition it is in. Remember those nights against Roma and Barcelona many moons ago. An exact repeat wouldn't be so bad?

So yeah, if Evans came back, that would be a crisis. All Liverpool need to do is win a but of Europa glory, poach a few from Chelsea, get Pat Marino onside and Anfield is smelling of roses eh? That ain't to much to ask is it now Rafa lad?

Team of The Time #3

NB. (Can these go at the front?) Kids, 4 & 5 are Iain J. Christ's first meaningful contributions. It is a brave new dawn for Radetto

Isn't the Champions League group stage the best thing ever. Er...Hells yes. There is no other way that Tuesday nights in November could be quite so uber rad. And that means Team of the Time time is upon us. Check out these picks kids. They are way bad ass.

1. Sergio Aguero - The man is going out with Maradonna's daughter. Often that would be rad enough for the slack standards of a TOTT call up. But this week he went and put two past Chelsea. And did you see the second? Did you see? It was Jan Koller powerful, way more impressive when you consider Ageuro is a tiny man with a bit of a faux mullet. Faux mullets rule kids. It is like a mullet, but you can keep your job, although I think Atletico would be cool with whatever barnet the little fella chose.

2. Zvjezdan Misimovic - Yet more Bosnian success in Europe. I am starting to genuinely believe they might actually be able to do one on Portugal the week after next. Dzeko scored as well. Might have to put my money where my mouth is. I genuinely think Bosnia could make the last 16 with their team playing like it is at the minute. But anyway, Misimovic bossed it from the midfield, but way way more importantly, scored a beauty. Check it out kids. VID

3. Carlos Puyol - Puyol has allways been the raddest captain of any team and one of those classic hard bastard center backs to boot. Then he wore short sleeves in Tartarstan. It was minus 7. Solid

4. Caster Semenya - Total powerhouse, great speed, will run 800 meters without blinking, if any member club of soon-to-be-formed Chicks Football League is listening, watching or reading I'd advise them to snap her up ASAP... and for them to do my washing and learn to drive! I jest! South Africa will claim the next World Chicks Cup, mark my words. Come to think of it... Is he the perfect partner for Torres? Let's be honest we all think they need a bit more muscle up front. In fact I would pay good money to watch her fight to the death with Jamie Carragher. IJC

5. Berbs - To round off the most tactically unbalanced 5-aside team of all time, the man off whom Michael Owen steals 20 minutes of football every week. It's of no small consequence that Manchester United's sexiest football and coolest victories happen when Berbs is keeping it pro ice in and around the area and it's only the goalkeeping heroics of Jääskeläinen that keep people on his case. Nevermind the potential of a deft, brain boiling flick from Berbs and an aggressive, pounding take from Rooney, Lil' Mickey can completely skin a Barnsley defence. IJC