Tendency To Punch

Clearly Jens Lehman is not the second best keeper in the world at the minute, but somewhat surprisingly, he is up there amongst them. I generally show favouritism to 'keepers of the Lehman style. You want a angry angry nut job with a huge ego and an inability to grasp his own flaws in goal. Tendency to punch was all ways my favourite champ man attribute, and everyone loves the element of gloriousness that Oliver Kahn brought to any match. Tendency to punch: One Million.

But my point is this, no-one seems so have come along to replace these past greats. Ie. These guys:

Casillas is the best in the world, of that there can be no doubt, and I would shove Julio Cesar in 2nd place. Buffon and Frey are top notch also, but after that it thins out a little. This weeks Champions League ties should contain some of the best keepers around, but Lehman will be there, warming up for his 40th birthday celebrations no doubt, as will a 77 year old Van Der Saar for a team that has genuine hopes of winning the whole shebang. Aged keepers seem pretty common. Buffon, despite his skills, is getting on a bit.

The new behatted Peter Cech has become hilariously gaffe prone, no one seems certain about Victor Valdes' capabilities and we all know about Dida by now, even if he is super on form at the minute. But there is a group of nearly there guys at a lot of the continents slightly less prestigious teams. Hugo Lloris was in TOTT, yeah, he is that good kids. Then there is Manuel Neuer at Schalke and Micheal Rensing at Bayern who seem promising, but are yet to do something truly rad like there Mannschaft predecessors.

Whilst Sergio Romero looks exactly as an Argentine 'keeper should, and could well be the star of the world cup, at the moment he is plying his trade for AZ Alkmaar, the dutch upstarts not managed my Big Steve. Heading to the east of the continent there is future Ben Foster-keeper-out-of-first-eleven-er Igor Akinfeyev, muchos highly rated by many, and a Radetto top for the top Samir Handanovic at Udinese. One of those boyos will be at the world cup.

So yeah, there are a few gudduns out there, but I grew up with a smorgasboard of goalkeeping talent; 19 year old Casillas, Toldo, Buffon, Perruzzi, Kahn, Chilavert, Schmiechel, Van Der Saar, Seaman, Barthez, Taffarel, Roa...

Now I list them, christ that is a eccentric bunch.

So anyway, let us take a moment to reflect on the decline of exuberent goalkeeping. It seems like the African Cup of Nations is the last bastion of the 'Keeper madness. Maybee it is in the African air. Hope so, it would bring some intrigue to the world cup for sure.

Team of The Time #2

That's right kids. Team of the time is back careering into the blogosphere like a tubby South American, shortly to Klinsmann it up on some sodden turf:

1. Hugo Lloris - That's right Liverpool fans. He was on fire no? Liverpool-Lyon was a great game for so many reasons, the top notch keeping at both ends being one of them. The only difference is old Hugo was on the winning team and should be plying his trade in the knockout rounds now. Oh Snap.

2.Aleksandr Ryazantsev - Who? Sheesh, the guy that scored the super screamer against Barca. My Lord what a goal. You have got to admire a man who turns up at Camp Nou and thinks ''Check this Catalans'' and proceeds to launch it from miles out. The finest goal ever to come out of Tartarstan.

3. Sean St Ledger - Going for the outside picks at the minute, but his diving header in the Italy Ireland match was sublime. For sure the most composed and solid diving header I have seen in months. And he plays for Borough you say? Hmmmm. Well, it is that kind of stepping up to the occasion that could see Irish eyes smiling in November (Cliche fives).

4. Andrea Pirlo - So everyone new AC Meelan are aged and creaking, and that Pirlos knees having seized permenantly into imovable blocks. I may have to rethink my calls for a
reshuffle of the Azzurri if Pirlo gets back in the groove, something which based on the sublime goal he put past Madrid to take the lead for the 2nd time. There was just nothing on, so he unleashed a screamer. It is like Pirlo '05 that we all know and love is back again

5. Ivan Klasnic - And so, due to More Than being complete dicks about insurance, we come to a pick from a recent game. I like Klasnic I do. He plays for Bolton, showing he is all about the football, so much so that he plays for Bolton, when he could be making a living on the banks of the med. Respect for that. Even more respect for scoring a goal like 3 minutes after being passed out on the floor. Woot.

Tito Would Have Loved This

So it is Champions League time again, and for the third time an Anglish team is hopefully going to get beaten around by Eastern Europes finest kids. Messrs Jovetic and Dzeko were on the case last time out. Hopefully everyone is versed up about Jovetic's mad skills after what he, and the rest of Florence's finest did to Liverpool, and Dzeko had a bit of an impact at Old Trafford the other week no?

So turning to tonight, I am hoping for yet more 'Liverpool get beaten about by super talented Eastern Europeans' action, this time courtesy of Miralem Pjanic. Lyon vs. Liverpool is one of those games that I love. I was ready to spend an evening watching the build up and game only for Sky to spoil everything for me once again. Is there anything they can't ruin about football? I was prepared to devote the entire evening to it and I work full time. Evenings are precious. But anyway, I am hoping beyond all hope that Pranjic gets good game on tonight firstly because an English team might go out in the groups (Oh the horror!), and secondly it will reaffirm my hopes that Bosnia get to South Africa next month.

So this brings me on to my main, and massivly ridiculous point. If Yugoslavia had not broken up (told you it was ridiculous) it would surely have the most exciting team on the planet, Seriously. Samir Handanovic is one of the most promising keepers in Europe right now, and it is not like there are many other world class keepers kicking around at the minute anyways. Vidic is one of the best defenders in the world right now, and I would bet my own head that him and Chelsea's Ivanovic would keep it tight at the back. Dejan Stankovic still scores the odd goal. Eduardo, Modric and Klasnic could get involved. Then there are the kids I mentioned before; Dezko, Jovetic, Pranjic. Rene Khrin and co might just fire Slovenia to the World Cup. I was going to mention Mirko Vucinic, but with Roma's form at the minute, he might not get a chance.

But there is more. If we are assuming Yugoslavia had never broke up, it dosen't seem to far fetched to assume that the people at the Croatian federation, they who convinced Eduardo to abandon Brazil, may have worked in the Yugoslav FA. You would think that if they can convince Eduardo to come to Croatia, they could probably persuade a certain Mr Ibrahimovic to play for the country of his parents no? Bohan Krkic is from that part of the world aswell?

See what I mean. This is a damn exciting team. A hundered and eighteen year old Josep Broz (In the context of this post, not to far fetched) could have watched his boys take South Africa by storm.

Jonathan Wilson, you are my hero.

Edit; I would just like to point out I have just found out Mr Wilson wrote about exactly this subject, although obviously way better. I would like it be known that I did not know this article existed when I wrote le above, honest. Anyhoom check it out. There is talk of tactical balance and everything.

The Real World Cup

So you may have grasped that I think it is pretty unfair that Blatter(dick) has decided that the European playoffs have to be seeded. You may think this is because of a natural soft spot for former Yugoslav countries, having spenth a month or two there last year I thus really really really want Slovenia and Bosnia & Herzegovina to qualify. You would probably be right of course, but even from a purely unbiased, totally sporting point of view it really dosen't seem fair to seed teams to start of with, then seed them again halfway through, having previously said you wouldn't. Jeez Sepp.

So Slovenia, having allready finished above two teams seeded higher than them in the group, see that count for nothing, and could face Portugal or France, two teams who finished behind lesser seeds, and yet will be seeded for the playoffs. It is just FIFA and Blatter dicking around so that the most marketable players can reach the world cup. Bunch of dicks.

So I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands, and drawn the playoffs myself. Completely unseeded. I may as well claim this is how the draw should have been. It is how FIFA said it would be. So, with additional comentary, I present to you, the draw for the World Cup Playoffs:

France vs. Russia - Woah. Big game. This would be undenaiably awesome over two legs. Every fan of football would agree no? I mean come on. How sweet. My money would be on France to shade it. Ribery scoring a wondergoal in the dying minutes at St. Denis to send France to the party. But it can never happen. This seems proof to me that FIFA have, to borrow from you Gianni, ruined football. This would rule.

Greece vs. Bosnia & Herzegovina - So this is actually an unseeded team vs. a seeded one. It could actually happen kids. Being honest, I think Greece, or maybee France, are the unseeded teams best chance of getting through. Greece came through a pretty easy group and France seem capable of throwing anything away when Domenech is calling the shots. I'd like to hope Bosnia could hold Greece in Athens, before winning infront of what would be an amazing atmosphere at Bilino Polje. Besides, no one wants to have to watch Greece go all '04 on us again right?

Ireland vs. Portugal - So again, another 'could happen' fixture. This would be such a sweet tie aswell. It would be undenaiably awesome seeing the Republic go up against Ronaldo and Co, especially at Croke Park. After the result against Italy, it shouldn't be impossible for the Irish.

Slovenia vs. Ukraine - Okay, I admit, there might not be much in this for the neatrals, but there are a whole lot of eastern Europeans who would certainly give a damn. The difference between Ukraine's ginormous stadium in Kiev, and Slovenia's teeny weeny one in Maribor would be a pretty cool contrast. And I reckon boths teams would fancy there chances. And lets be honest, it is the little guys who make the world cups.

So there you go. THIS IS THE TRUTH, THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE FIFA. And come on, this would be way better no?

The OFC Has Some Sweet Style

So New Zealand drew with Bahrain the other night. Big Game. In terms of what was at stake, equally as big if not bigger than that little old Argentina-Peru spectacle. One of those guys will get a place in the World Cup. I kinda hope the 'All Whites' make it. I guess they have the greater pedigree. Everyone saw that sterling Confederations Cup 0-0 with Iraq right? Glorious stuff. There is another reason I feel New Zealand should get the place, being the first OFC representative since way back in '82. The reason is this:

Jings, this guy is the complete badass. It is like the Blues Brothers spent a druken night with an Adidas Tango, and then neglected him throughout his childhood. I didn't see those Euro 08 dudes donning wayfairers. Footix, the france 98 guy, didn't have such a rad smirk. Never has a tournament mascot had such a effortless style. When have you ever though ''Jeez, this major tournament mascot is clearly way cooler than me''. Never, until this guy came along, and for that, the Oceanian Football Confederation deserves a break. Forza New Zealand.

Who Ate All The (Glory) Pies?

Antonio Cassano should be one of the best players in the world, but I think I prefer his career the way he has done it. His glorious relationship with Gianpaolo Pazzini at Sampdoria surely indicates he can put the last few years behind him and look to a future among Europe's eilte. Perhaps once the Sampdoria adventure is over (Heres hoping it could be as glorious as the early 90's ), a stint leading Juve to their first post scandal Scudetto with Pazzini in tow? Oh God. The thought of Cassano-Pazzini-Diego-Giovinco-Chielini-Aged Buffon-Cameos from Del Pel would be so so so beautifully, amazingly rad. It would cost like 25 - 30 million to prize those two away from Samp? I will gladly buy Fiats for the rest of my life if you could make this happen Juve. Seriously.

But back to the point in hand. Cassano's dark days at Madrid are summed up best by a bit of Wikipedia vandalism;

''Continuing reports of his erratic and anti-social attitude, his expanding waistline, due to a weakness for chocolate, cakes and more cakes, as well as soft drinks, beer, sweets and pies, led in May 2006 to Madrid fining him for every gram he remains overweight''. Check the source

Makes you realise what a ginormous risk Samp were taking. Huuuuge. But by God did it pay of. The old Cassano is back. Yes, so there is still the occasional clothes off tantrum but it is more than offset by the influence Fantonio had on this super loveable Sampdoria side. And to be fair, that Torino player went straight for the neck. That is going to make anyone angry. But yeah, it is nice to think that Mr Cassano feels at home in a team that is down the local Ristorante after every game. That is the way it should be. The fact that Mr Cassano is in a team currently second in Serie A surely indicates a call up is in order. That too, is how it should be.

So over to you Marcelo, why no call up? It is seems like a repeat of the Baggio-Trapatoni farce of 2002, and we all know how that ended. Cassano and Pazzini are the best strikeforce in Serie A since the dawn of 2009, both are italian and neither are in the Azzurri set up. So Di Natale is on fire and Gilardino scored last night, but Iaquinta could be sacrificed for one of these two, at least for two games where one point was needed. Italy have a wealth of options going into South Africa, but I am sure that leaving Cassano at home would be a mistake

This Could Rule #2

Sheeesh. The one time I really wanted England to win they go and throw it all away. Ukraine's win puts them in a pretty commanding position to oust Croatia from the World Cup. Surely they will win in Andora on wednesday? Surely. I am pretty devastated that Croatia probably wont make it. I have had a soft spot for them since Davor Suker and co. lit up France 98, and helped me realise that football was about more than endless Newcastle United induced heartbrake. They could and probably should have made the Final of Euro 2008, if only for the one million minutes of extra time on that rollercoaster night in Vienna. I am going to have to pray for the biggest night in Andorran football history.

Bosnia & Herzegovina made the playoffs. Good times in Sarajevo. Thing is, now Blatter (dick) ruined the playoffs I really fear they might not make it through. Would Greece be seeded? That might be their best hope. Let us pray once again for the miracle of Bilino Polje. Serbia made it. Gonna stick my neck out and make them my dark horses. Infact, Serbia and Chile will both reach the quarter finals. For sure.

How good did Ireland-Italy look? I really wish I had been down the pub for that one. Massive crowd, loads to play for, and some top notch goals being scored. Richard Dunne could see world cup football yet. Check out these highlights for yourself. Irelands first goal is sublime. Sublime I say!

Italy still need to get Cassano involved mind.

I Didn't expect Germany to get a win. Kudos to them. How many international goals has Miroslav Klose got now? It must be in the thousands. Should be pretty good to see Joachim Low lead a side once again, especially with the names Germany can call up. I feel 2010 will be Mario Gomez's chance to shine.

And yeah. That Argentina game was epic. The rain, good lord the rain. Who would of thought Martin Palermo would be the hero. The fact he scored the greatest header of all time with his face the other week could have been a clue. That was some comeback though, the rain made it somewhat biblical no? If he scores again on wednesday I would vote for some sort of new Martin Palermo adventures chapter to be inserted into the holy book. I reckon I could get a few others on side with that plan.

So wednesday brings one final evening of reckoning, before yet more november reckoning, you reckon? Is there any sequence of events that would see Portugal finish as the 9th best runner up. Finger crossed. Argentina should make it now. I would be confident if Maradonna could be trusted not to rotate his tits of between now and kick off in Uruguay. Thing is I hope Forlan makes South Africa aswell, so I should be supporting Chile right? Well I do that anyway. Problem solved.

And oh yeah, Bahrain-New Zealand was a disappointing 0-0. Damn.

Football Victories Shape a Nation’s Identity As Much As Any War

That title is a quote from President Franjo Tudman, a man who probably has a pretty good idea of how wars shape a nations identity. He wrote a book on guerilla warfare and was pretty caught up in the demise of Yugolsavia and the formation of an independant Croatia, and yet he still said that. Having spent a large portion of last summer in and around former Yugolsavia chatting to the locals, I got the opinion that that Tudman fella might have a point.

Former Yugolsavs Serbia are looking pretty secure at the South Africa check in, with Bosnia and Croatia hoping for the playoffs. You wonder how much football could mean to people who have gone through so much in the past fifteen years or so. Tudman was right, it means a lot.

Bosnia came out of the Yugolsav war badly, completely divided along ethnic lines, officially between Bosniaks and Serbs, and just as obviously between the Bosniaks and Croats. In Mostar, a focal point of the troubles, the divides are none more obvious than with the city's football teams. Zrinjski, the Croats, moved into Mostar's main stadium after it came out of the conflict on the Croat side of the city. With Croat money from nearby Medjugorje (Jesus must support these guys) and the support of the large Croat population Zrinjski took their first Bosnian title last season. Velez, the Herzegovinians, homeless after the loss of their 25,000 seater home, moved to a somewhat smaller stadium on the East side of the Neretva river and suffered relegation. The Yugoslav cup winning days of the mid eighties long forgotten. They are back in the top league again now, finishing mid table last season.

The difference between these two sides reflects the situation at large. Bosnian Croat businesses taking money to Croatia, whilst Bosian Muslims make the best of things. We were told that the Croat controlled airport in Mostar was kept closed so any one wanting to fly in had to fly to Dubrovnik in Croatia. Out west towards Medjugorje town halls proudly displayed the Croatian tricolour, whilst the Bosniak flag on the adjacent poll was a tattered mess.

The national team is genuinely exciting; Dzeko is undoubtedly the star, with a supporting cast of Misimovic, Muslimovic and Ibsevic amongst other bright prospects, but it also has the capability to unite under the Bosnian flag, not that of Serbia or Croatia and give the people of this war torn country something to be proud of. The fact that Bosnia have rarely lost at their Bilino Polje stadium surely speaks volumes for the atmosphere that must be created inside. Led by a Bosnian Croat, the guy who led Croatia at France 98, the team that introduced me to how glorious football can be, and compromising players from all three ethnic groups, it seems like the country can finally get behind a successful team.

They have overcome a farce-laden, ''we don't need this Zlatan fellow to play for us", frequently protested against, plain incompetent federation, to be in with a their best chance of a big tournament since they missed out on Euro 04 by one goal. A win against Estonia, whom they beat 7-0, (seven!) in the return fixture should see them get Turkeys spot in the ''Blatter Playoffs of Preference' where they will undoubtedly be unseeded and in need of a minor miracle to overcome one of the prefered teams.

So yeah, Bosnia vs. Estonia is important. It might help shape a nations identity. Football is important yo.

That Zlatan guy was Mr Ibrahimovic by the way...

Woah, Valencia kit

So Valencia play in this? Only in 'Major Spanish home games' but still, it is sweeeeeeeet


This has got to be one of the raddest football kits of recent time. It has a freaking bat across the chest, like Batman. Woah. Hats of to whoever thought of this, one of the best kits I have seen this season. Not just a 'nice' kit, there are loads of them around at the minute, this goes deep into awesome territory. Kappa kits are generally some of the best at the minute, especially if you favour the 'retro' look but this is pretty far out man. Surely there was atleast some minor controversy when this came out? It has a bat on it, I mean cmon. Normally I am not a fan of novelty badge incorporating kits. They tend to look, well, crap, but this really is well done. See what fools you were for leaving Kappa Werder Bremen. Jeez

This Could Rule

International week next week you know. A super huge international week at that. England are allready there so only a fool would pay attention to something other than Sky's premiership superleague. WRONG. Yes 'we' are there and I am quite happy about it, allthough I probably would have prefered Croatia to have the automatic spot, so England could get caught up in some playoff madness.

So how is the World Cup shaping up. Lets go through who is allready there. England are in. I am kind of excited about how we do. Maybee it is Defoe's time to shine and Young & Milner are exciting enough. The presence of Heskey and James should bring some hilarity to the table. The Netherlands should be glorious in the groups, then go out in some hilariously bad tempered afair, perhaps ending with penalties. Spain won't win, they lost at Soccer last summer.

Brazil's presence should be cool as will Paraguays. Not quite as good as the glory days of Chilavert, allthough I would like to hope he will be involved with the team in some way, perhaps sensationally becoming the first sporting director to score in the World Cup. Aisan teams are pretty much sorted and both Korea's are there. Both! South Korea I will allways love, after they won me eight quid eight long years ago. But North Korea? They play football there? How much does everyone want them to be drawn with Italy. And yeah, Ghana are in. The Black Stars ain't a great nickname by African standards but it is pretty sweet in a world wide context, and they where the best African team last time round.

The excitement of next weekend is due to the teams that could yet still qualify however (Duh!). I am probably most excited about Bosnia's games against Estonia and Spain (stay with me). Bosnia have some exciting players. Everyone knows Dzeko after last wednesday, but Misimovic, Ibsevic and Muslimovic are a few other names in an exciting team. They have never qualified as an independant country, and hopefully Blatter's (dick) sell out play off seedings will not ruin the dream. Imagine if they got Serbia or Croatia in the Playoffs though? I really hope they can make it.

Croatia should secure a play off spot, and I really hope they make it through. By far the team of Euro 2008. Hopefully Germany and Joachim Low (3rd sexiest manager in football) send Russia into they playoffs and the Azzurri should secure top spot in group 8. Why Lippi leaves out Cassano, his super stylish speedo, pie loving and Sampdoria-dragging-to-the-top-of-serieA ways is beyond me though. Italy could have one of the most exciting squads in South Africa if Lippi will drop some of the old guard. CoughCamourinesi.

Groups 2 & 3 seem to have few big teams, hence Slovakia all but guarenteed a place, and Northern Ireland still being in the hunt. I mean, what the hell? Greece? Switzerland? Sheesh.

And so to the France/Portugal situation. France are not as good as Serbia at the minute (Go Eastern Bloc!) but Ribery's gallic magic will see em through, and I hope that Denmark and Sweeden put Portugal out in Euro 2004 stylee so that Blatter (dick) and his stupid seedings don't get Team Ronaldo a place. Big weekend in Europe then, all I need is for someone to fill me in on how the 9 second place teams into 8 playoff spots things work and we are good.

And so to South America. Argentina play Peru and then put it on the line against Uruguay. I so hope they get in. Tevez, Aguero and Messi coached by Maradonna is so so so awesomely rad that i would cry if they missed out. They should get in ahead of Uruguay and Ecuador on passion and super skilled tiny attackers value alone, and i don't reckon a playoff against New Zealand, Honduras, Bahrain or like Shrewsbury or something, would be the end of the road. They have to make it through.

And so finally what of Chile. Guarenteed a place pretty much, allthough I couldn't name a player I don't think. Is Salas still involved? Allready they are my dark horse for the tournament.

Oh God next June is going to rule so hard.

Radetto Team of the Time #1

''Holy cow, A regular feature!'' I hear you cry. Think of it as more of an irregular but not to freaky feature, like a third nipple (One time I saw a dude with three nipples shake a dude with four nipples hand, via two dislocated shoulders. No Shit).

So yeah, I guess this is kind of like team of the week, except not weekly, and I can't guarentee eleven players to be honest. Maybee some kind of five a side thing. Allthough I would pick five keepers if nessecery. Anyways, here it the FIRST EVER RADETTO DELLA SPORT TEAM OF THE TIME!!!

1. Ilker Casillas. So Real Madrid lost, no sympathy there, but Casillas pulled of one of the greatest saves ever. Seriously. This is up there with Toldo 2000. One of Ilker's or any other keepers finest works. And he came from the academy. There is a lesson in this somewhere.


2. Frank Ribery. So I had better put this out there. I am pretty much in love with Frank Ribery. He couldn't be more gallic if he played with a beret and celebrated by waving a baguette. Anyone who crashes the team bus as a hilarious joke, and hangs out with the pink panther is pretty cool no? Plus he tried to score the greatest goal ever against Juve midweek but totally bottled it on the final touch. Super Rad. It is after 50 seconds:


3. Simon Rolfes. Woah, a Bayer Leverkusen revival is allways welcome. Feels to me like their fans must have been through more heartbrake than any other. Going to put my neck on the block and say they are my tip for the Bundesliga. Big Call seen as everyone knows they will finish second.

4. Sepp Blatter. Ironic call up for yet another attempt to dick over international football. If you say the play offs are unseeded then keep it that way. Don't shit your pants and seed it just to guarentee Ronaldo will be at the tournament. What a dickweed.

5 - 16. I am going to give the remaining positions, and fill the subs bench with the Arsenal first choice eleven. Pretty special no?